tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-190377672024-03-14T05:45:43.056+05:30AtaraxisI am just one of the 6 billion plus humans on earth, basking in my insignificance , trying to realise my significance.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger103125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-88614155005724438142011-03-16T00:21:00.000+05:302011-03-16T00:21:56.746+05:30Travel<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Thats been missing for close to a year now. The surroundings and the pressures within have become all too familiar. I need to break this jinx soon. To breathe fresh air. To be in the open again.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-77605598545423134622011-03-15T21:45:00.000+05:302011-03-15T21:45:22.891+05:30To you, my reflection<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: left;">Been a while. I indulged in flirtations by starting some other blogs which are now reduced to a mere stastic. Habits once formed are difficult to let go. Hence, i am back to this lovely blog. To rediscover some earlier habits which were responsible for me being stronger, fearless and sharper. To rediscover writing. To rediscover my desire.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">The world has changed so dramatically and i am struggling to keep up. Letting myself get raped by circumstances, constantly embattled by fear of the unknown and drowning the voice of my heart. I come back to thee, the reflection of my thoughts and a way i can reconnect. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Back on the path due to my common soul who knows who she is and believes in me. Of promises to her and worse still promises to myself that went un-kept. I went by without fighting hard, memories of earlier victories just a haze, i searched and searched for that injection of enthusiasm. The quick fix panacea to my troubles. All of 27 and yet uncertain, and letting things flow.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">A spark has ignited a tiny flame recently. I battle to nourish it into the fire that will drive me again. A fire to light up the engulfing darkness. To give myself a chance. To take a risk. To hear my heart again!</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-47220817304571903752009-12-09T21:24:00.000+05:302009-12-09T21:24:38.796+05:30When action is equated with talkA very Indian trait. Endemic in our culture and in us. Got the articulation for this insight from this post by Calamur : <a href="http://calamur.org/gargi/2009/11/26/2611-just-another-date/">http://calamur.org/gargi/2009/11/26/2611-just-another-date/</a><br />
<br />
Something i very well identify with myself. Often times i am provoked to action when absolutely necessary and often find myself convincing myself with talk in my head about my future actions. Promise myself a brilliant future and work towards it. Dream up wonderful circumstances and situations where i act like a man responsible for his destiny. Where i break the tide of things and let them flow in my desired direction. In a convoluted manner , this blog is also a representation of my mere talk and very little action. <br />
<br />
Frustrated. Desire to live my life to the fullest. When will i act upon it?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-36317929183121275762009-11-16T00:21:00.001+05:302009-11-16T00:24:32.092+05:30The Dragon<div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The song that is stuck in my head these days. </span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>The Dragon</b> by Guggenheim Grotto</span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
</div><span style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #35140d;"></span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">my brother is gifted he says he can wake in his dreams</span><br />
</div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: justify;">and you can do anything if you can wake in your dreams<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">grow ten feet taller and talk with giraffes<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">with one single step cut the universe in half<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">yes you can do anything if you wake up in dreams<br />
</div></span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
</div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: justify;">he met his dragon; his dragon flew him into space<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">there was junk everywhere, everywhere was a floating disgrace<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">so they went to a room that was hollow and white<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">they waited a while till the door opened wide<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">my father walked in and he and my brother embraced<br />
</div></span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Listening to this, as i ride in the morning in a caged AC bus brushing against people all of them headed to work, solemn faces and no desire to know the person next to you. So literally preferring to be 'transported' and avoiding any further emotional addition. </span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And i hear this with a smile on my face. I get lost, in my dreams. </span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-85439804006309571582009-11-15T17:51:00.001+05:302009-11-15T23:39:20.869+05:30The Glory of Hope<div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Automobiles, machines and hundreds of such examples of human ingenuity all run on a fuel. Everything needs something to crank itself up and set the parts rolling. A critical ingredient without which it is nothing but a worthless piece of crap. This applies to humans too and the great fuel that drives humans is Hope. In a way, it is hope that distinguishes humand from other animals. animals are driven by instinct, preprogrammed and will persist endlessly for the same. Our survival instinct, that causes a drowning man to resist is in someways similar to the preprogrammed nature of animals. But our ability to hope is something that makes us unique. </span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Hope is eternal and when all seems lost it is only this ability in us to envision something better, to hope something better is what that keeps us going forth. In the light of this fact, there should be happiness all around. All of us should be able to tap into this and keep marching ahead and achieve that glorious future that we hope for. Given such an incredible gift, it still appalls me to see that barely anyone seems to buy into it. To see so many around me resigned to fate. To wonder whether they tried and failed or are they in the process, trying to escape. Or maybe to remove the bias, it may after all be their ideal place and hence not fighting it out. Though it cannot be the truth for the majority. Why does it appear that the majority simply have decided to let it all flow? To not create a resistance that hope so often inspires you to. I have found myself wanting of this hope on a few occasions this past year, in fact have been running a low reserve and that too for not apparent grief. Things are all in my control and after all , the truth being that we are responsible for what we are. </span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">To build a stockpile of this hope and to keep edging ahead. To use this fuel and persist with ones dreams. To take the risks and make those commitments. Little do we know , how much we can stretch and how much we can achieve. To simply surge forth with the glory of hope!</span><br />
</div><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><br />
</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-10190811060909728082009-10-20T22:53:00.001+05:302009-10-20T22:54:20.977+05:30A New Look<div style="text-align: justify;">Tinkering again.Weird this! Constant feeling of being stuck. My past few posts have all been talking about this. Been like this for a year now. As my 26th birthday was nearing i was taken aback at the thought that a year had disappeared. All i did was react and simply flow along with whatever came by and offered no resistance whatsoever. It did shake me off my unknowing slumber.<br />
</div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;">Taking control now. Little by little.<br />
</div><div><div><br />
</div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-19454120296001938902009-09-03T23:58:00.002+05:302009-09-04T00:09:57.560+05:30Anyone<div style="text-align: justify;">A pertinent need for escape. All around me, in the eyes of so many people whom i encounter. A fight from within against this need. Some who have succeeded are lifeless, a resignation to the current state reflected in their eyes. Why is the world in such a disarray? Why are we so scared of the unknown? </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The route to happiness is clear to everyone. But very few have the legs for it. A simple life yet complicated by our discipline less mind. Struggling to find innocence around me. Everything comes wrapped with ulterior motives. I need to change. Let it rain, these drops of clarity and hope i catch it before it gets muddled in these vast expanses of human insanity. If we let instincts over power us and heed and reward each and every instinct will it make us happier or simply an animal? Do we use our intellectual prowess to justify all our instincts and tame them just like we are trying to tame nature? Why is there the strong need to control in us? Why do we need to be in control of our lives, our present, our future? Why do we desire a purpose in life and are lost and miserable without it? </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Anyone?</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-42103896777639257912009-09-02T23:43:00.002+05:302009-09-02T23:48:58.765+05:30Alive and KickingThe homing device in my head had gone for a huge spin headed towards nowhere. All kinds of tinkering and tossing around has finally resulted in some kind of alignment. Gaining of conciousness. Realisation of a purpose . Snowballing into some kind of momentum. Desire and inclination to discover the tempo. Smooth whirring sounds in the head. Clarity. Feels good to be alive.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-33766392727673355352009-08-11T22:08:00.003+05:302009-08-12T00:10:35.093+05:30What do i chase?<div style="text-align: justify;">After having essayed an almost lyrical paragraph <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">enlisting</span> the blankness that i face currently, a chance slip of fingers and a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">hitherto</span> unknown shortcut on the keyboard caused my text box to blank out. The words as ephemeral as my various dreams and currently untraceable. The first rays of early morning light, slowly <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">caress</span> the darkness under my eyelids and nudge me out of a beautiful world. The complete ignorance induced by sleep and the limitless aspirations of our dreams makes it a very comforting experience only to awaken to a sense of despair. A lack of understanding of my routine and the reason for my persistence.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I have no clue what i am destined for and how i am going to achieve or what i want to achieve. At the prime of my youth i am absolutely clueless. The precious time that i have been bestowed with is evaporating away. As directionless as spilled water, i am just flowing wherever i do not see an obstruction and doing nothing to overcome any obstructions on my path. Comfortable with the controlled environment that i have built for myself but struggling in my own skin. The <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">dichotomy</span> has caught up with me again and i am struggling to float with the lack of purpose and the constant satiating of immediate desires causing me to be a slave rather than have any sense of liberation. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I seek a reason. A desire to be up every morning and face a day brimming with energy to accomplish what i desire. To chase!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-20079406362951674892009-06-01T22:25:00.003+05:302009-06-01T22:52:55.501+05:30Education & the nature of work<div style="text-align: justify;">True education is that which makes us humble. Humility is the true essence of knowledge and the realisation of the fact that we learn throughout our lives. Higher education brings with it a sense of pride that masks this humility and makes people arrogant and supremely confident. Higher education does nothing to inculcate any sense of better living or conduct. In fact, i have found the uneducated to be most considerate amongst us. They value what they have and they value their relationships. They do not have a scale defined by degrees, by which they measure up people but it is done purely by deeds and actions. I have seen others and have myself felt false pride of being a graduate from a prestigious institution. The fact remains that the place does not define me rather only my actions there define me. And my actions throughout my life will define me.<br /><br />Speaking of actions, i have always truly believed that man essentially finds pleasure when he is creating something. Commerce in the olden days was all about creation and barter. Everyone has a skillset that is valuable to the community as a whole and exploiting it gives him true happiness. Therein lies happiness in being a mere cobbler or a construction worker or a farmer all of whom use their two hands to create. Good old manual labour that has been replaced by the cubicle that is fast making us forget the tools of survival. The pure epiphany of facing the odds of nature and being shaped by its rules makes one harmonious with a deeper sense of being that we all are in a constant search of.<br /><br />Therin lies the restlessness of my hands.<br /><br />Amen!<br /><br /><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-38391446117070713452009-06-01T21:24:00.003+05:302009-06-01T21:49:25.732+05:30The way we make it<div style="text-align: justify;">Racing thoughts, uncontrolled and directionless leading to neither a conclusion or slowing down in anyway. Break! Relax and then a complete void. A void that is not empty but fulfilling. A calmness sets upon the mind. The riot within is purged replaced by a comforting calm. And i am at peace. That's all it takes.<br /><br />Knock! Knock!<br /><br />What you resist persists - Carl Jung<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-68526576258566207792009-01-04T23:48:00.001+05:302009-01-04T23:59:21.137+05:30Starting LineJust need to focus. Be in the moment and most importantly, be myself. Honest to the core. A lot to learn and a lot to live :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-88104319017832188072009-01-03T00:46:00.005+05:302009-01-04T23:45:52.035+05:30Mere Sentences<div style="text-align: justify;">Rise
<br />
<br />This is for me. Just plain sentences. Words strung up together. Make me feel, ache, cry and express. No thought, no flow. No objective and no point to make or prove. I know everything, I am conscious about every idea i believe in and i do things wrong consciously by succumbing to my mind. So here goes, mere sentences.
<br /></div>
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<br /><div style="text-align: center; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Have a heart.
<br />
<br />Mould your mind.
<br />
<br />A lot to learn and a lot to live.
<br />
<br />Be awake.
<br />
<br />Complete honesty towards oneself.
<br />
<br />Be in the moment.
<br />
<br />Focus.
<br />
<br />Live life.
<br />
<br />Discipline mind and body.
<br />
<br />Try and control your life.
<br />
<br />Get a Grip.
<br />
<br />Make your destiny.
<br />
<br />There is always a choice.
<br />
<br />Make your choice and not let it be made.
<br />
<br />Be conscious of everything you do.
<br />
<br />Invest your complete presence in everything you do.
<br />
<br />Respect elders and traditions.
<br />
<br />We are what we think.
<br />
<br />Be persistent.
<br />
<br />Be involved.
<br />
<br />Go the extra mile.
<br />
<br />Never lose hope.
<br />
<br />Positivity in everything.
<br />
<br />Smile.
<br />
<br />Give experience a chance.
<br />
<br />Lose inhibitions and ego.
<br />
<br />
<br />RISE
<br />
<br /></span></div>
<br /><o:p> </o:p>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-58927495422290546482009-01-02T13:50:00.002+05:302009-01-02T13:53:06.204+05:30RiseA beautiful word, plain, simple, positive and full of encouragement. Something that the heart desires and the mind connives.<br /><br />A new beginning.<br /><br />Cleaning my slate. Letting go. Being truly fresh.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />And here I <span style="font-weight: bold;">Start</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-9929468417197372492008-12-24T13:49:00.002+05:302009-01-02T13:53:32.568+05:30Marathon Man<div style="text-align: justify;">It is a long run. A run one cannot avoid. A run that may not seem like one. That tires you, refreshes you and enriches you. A race that simply tests your persistence. Creates obstacles and a graph with regular zeniths and nadir. A race where there is no way to determine a winner or a loser. You just be. Run till you run out of breathe, literally.<br /><br />Insane is life. Our manner of living and surviving. Do we really own our lives? Feel like a constant prisoner. A trap and a maze, delusional. Navigating through this maze, little do I realize that it’s a trap that I have been snared in. My curiosity makes the maze bearable but when the innocence completely dies, I will be horribly trapped.<br /><br />I run. Off the starting blocks. No point in stopping, as long as I am running I am moving towards something. However unknown and uncertain it might be. At least I am moving. This be my marathon.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-32988190053689175782008-10-17T14:56:00.002+05:302008-10-17T21:38:17.861+05:30Buffet<div>I am not really a lunch person. Eating out means going out for some nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. Ever since i reached bangalore , now lunch has become this regimented affair almost. Don't feel like eating but usually am driven by hunger caused by a lack of breakfast. </div><br /><div> </div><br /><div>So i tumble , drag and scratch my head every afternoon peering at restaurants, deciding whether they sound appetizing. With names like Adiga's, Empire, Paramount, New Shanti Sagare and the likes nothing really allures me to expend my taste buds at these restaurants. </div><br /><div> </div><br /><div>Bangalore though is like a hub for buffet restaurants. Almost every restaurant worth its toothpick has a lunch buffet. And this is where i usually find myself. Alwayus allured y the spread, it serves its purpose. Sometimes the mere act of tasting everything is enough to fill my stomach. Good or bad, tasting and going through the whole spread is quite a mouthful. The most delightful aspect is to watch human greed come to the fore. People overcome with a burning passion to get full value for the money they pay and go beyond that and make the restaurant regret their decision. It is almost like a sense of achievement and pride to go for a refill a minimum of 5 times. A point which they can brag about in front of their friends. Something even i have been prey to when this sense of achievement overcomes me and i dump food into my system. There is something very perverse about this that i cant lay my finger on. And absolutely hahve </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-33729317793432225182008-10-16T18:16:00.004+05:302008-10-16T18:27:13.214+05:30WhiffOf fragrance, smell, an opportunity. Be it anything but sometimes all we need is a flash. A vision or a minuscule amount of the right kind of inspiration. I am constantly being wooed by this whiff of a fragrance. A fragrance i desire to engulf myself with. Visions that are fleeting but strong enough which paint a future that i desire.<br /><br />Wafts of desire, might be a stretch metaphorically but the world of desires powered by our heart can only be explained by metaphorical excess. And that indeed is its beauty. Painting a portrait is easy but the true magic is bringing it to life. I have been lucky enough to have experienced this and now i am addicted.<br /><br />Stoic belief and hanging on to that whiff of hope and desire always ensures magic. Had i read this post a few months back i would have found it to be cryptic and inane. That's the change that has come over me and i simply love the feeling.<br /><br />I have smelt the whiff of change recently and there will be change. A change governed by my desires. Very soon.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-71855309098114904972008-10-08T18:22:00.003+05:302008-10-08T18:45:47.795+05:3025God that seems old. When i was 16 i had a vision of myself as a 25 year old. I envisaged myself well educated and working somewhere that required me to wear a suit to work in an air conditioned flashy office. With me being supremely assured and sure of myself and my decisions. Totally mature and responsible in every sphere of my life and completely trained and tutored to face life head on.<br /><br />Well i am 25 and i can just about claim to be well educated but don't feel like one. Feel as confused as a 16 year old with no clue about what my future holds and am definitely not dead certain about my decisions :) My job gives me no opportunity to wear a suit and in fact i do not even own one. I work in a crowded market area subject to the vagaries of nature.<br /><br />Besides my job everything else about myself seems perfectly fine. I do not think i will ever attain completely maturity or will ever have more than a 50:50 success rate with my decisions. But what i have gained is that i am being honest to myself. This seems to be my greatest achievement by the age of 25. At the age of 16, adulthood seemed to be a warped world where the only way to survive was to be dishonest to yourself.. A quarter century experience of living behind me , brought up lovingly by my parents instilling a solid base so that i could create my own value system. A life uplifted by happiness and marred by sadness in appropriate proportion that has taught me that the best way to live is to stay in the present and experience it to the fullest. Its a tough call but i try hard everyday with a moderate success rate.<br /><br />As i look ahead, i have no elaborate plans but to absorb life and its numerous twists and turns. Love the recent turns and twists it has taken bringing me forth on to a pathway that was hitherto hidden from my meandering eyes. A pathway that exposes itself on a day to day basis and that rewards one if they listen to their heart for directions. Let not this world and its complex system of chaining you to things posses you. Learn to maneuver and manipulate and work within the system. The system we live in gives us context and hence it is important. Keep the context in your mind but develop your own meanings.<br /><br />Cheers to lifeUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-90845223888995685982008-10-08T17:40:00.002+05:302008-10-08T18:04:45.261+05:30StuckHow many times in life do we reach this situation? It seems to be a cyclic fixture in our lives. And i seem to have completed another cyclic round. Frustrations in me seem to be following the example of the tides caused by the moon on our vast oceans. Cyclic high and lows have become commonplace. Feel completely stuck with the job i am doing right now and the city i am in. Yearn for a creative output and an escape route for my senses that have been dulled over the past few months.<br /><br />The essential question being, how did i end up in this mess? how did that happen i wonder. Nothing more than a combination of not capitalizing on the available choices and an ill informed sense of direction. But that is forgivable. Happens to the best of us. Lesson learnt.<br /><br />Time to set things right. So starting a job hunt in a depressed economy and certainly looking to get back to Mumbai. That's where my heart is.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-41564336692660999442008-10-02T21:13:00.003+05:302008-10-02T21:41:26.808+05:30DanceHas been always a very enriching experience for me. whenever i have danced, except a few occasions when i became conscious, i have loved the release. Something about the gay abandon with which our body moves to beats that pulsate somewhere deep in our minds<br /><br />The real beauty about dancing is that it does not matter whether we are good at it or bad at it. what matters is whether we get that release and the sense of freedom and connect with our body. That reminds me that it has been a real long time since i have danced. Wonder when i will bogey again. That aside what really motivated me to write this post is a video Nikhil sent to me which made me super jealous since i identified with it instantly and probably a hundred million people around the world did the same. It combines what of my most fiercest desires with dance. Travel :)<br /><br />http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY&feature=user<br /><br />AmenUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-737754944608997842008-10-02T20:45:00.002+05:302008-10-02T21:11:21.899+05:30HonestBlack and white. That's the environment that my blog breathes in. And that's what i strive for in general. To achieve that clarity and the ensuing peace that accompanies such clarity.<br /><br />I have been disconnected but lets not get into that right now. At this present stage of my life i feel far more connected in life than ever before. Found a purpose and way of life that feels worthwhile. Ironic that i revisit my blog on this day, Oct 2nd. This divine clarity as it may seem is nothing beside being completely honest to myself. Something that i thought i was doing for a long while but it all turned out to be hogwash.<br /><br />It seems so intrinsic and so simple but that is not the true picture at least in my case. Being honest to ourselves is something that you affect at the very core of your being. With some very difficult decisions and immense conviction in self and our desires. Once this core is stable the harmony spreads to once exterior and we begin attracting things/people that help build this core. This in essence is the manner in which i have changed and experienced over the past few months. It comes accompanied by this huge sense of freedom that nobody can control your life expect you and your actions/ decisions.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-61281565119714160422007-11-08T04:09:00.000+05:302007-11-10T03:08:40.104+05:30Lack Coffee<div style="text-align: justify;">Slightly high. High on substance. High on lack of substance. That is any-body's guess. Everything is hazy at the moment. Hazy in terms of emotions which i will try to collate for this article. Difficult task this. But a task that ain't as mundane as rehashing knowledge for the nth time for the satisfaction of some pseudo evaluative process. So what do you think this is going to be? An exercise in self expression that reflects the anguish hidden in my superficial exterior. That might be the pivot that catches attention but that ain't the purpose behind this monologue. I shall respect the fact that some of you have chosen to read some words that i have managed to weave together.<br /><br />4 months to go. In a place where i had always wanted to be. True it did not really live up to my expectations but then it opened my eyes to a totally new perspective. A cocooned existence in a picturesque setting with a bunch of humans trying to be humans. The initial claustrophobia that this place subjects one to is indeed traumatic. But then slowly, before we know it we start getting used to this. Similar faces, expressions, routine, relationships, learnings, frustrations and apathy that we so get used to. We slowly get disconnected with the world. In a village, away from civilization most of us remain media dark. Start building our own worlds in context to each other that makes us more dependent on the community we are living in. Constantly striving for acceptability over here. And therein lies the reason for pretense. Nobody can afford to be isolated over here. Those who have managed to do so are miserable. So in effect we end up being close to a precious few and phony to a multitude. Oops, now what did i do here? I have gone against my word and displayed all this anguish. Trust me i tried to mask it all but then i guess i am incapable of doing that at least when i write.<br /><br />All this really ain't as dark as i have painted it to be. This is what i have become used to and i have started loving this state of being. I am comfortable over here away from the reality of the world. Nice and sheltered, doing what my heart desires and in full acceptance of the standards one needs to maintain around this place. Nobody around to question us, the first true phase of our adult lives. Temptations encouraged and available wherever i look. Seems like an eternity, this phase of life appeared to stretch towards infinity but reality is dawning at the horizon. Soon i shall be released from here and forced to embrace the outside world. A world that i have long forgotten and lost fancy for. It is cruel to be asked to disassociate from this place after all this. Indeed, i have fallen in love with this environ and some of the people here.Twilight approaches and the magical night in this place is coming to an end. Much like my tenure over here. No idea of what will happen once i step out of here. Sleep enveloping my senses even as i try and comprehend what my 9 am lecture is about. At this moment i lack coffee.<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-5284746380004772262007-09-15T04:25:00.000+05:302007-09-15T15:12:08.817+05:30Tumbling ahead<div style="text-align: justify;">The parity between what i say and what i feel is increasingly becoming non existent. It is like living in two worlds. A cocoon of emotions within us that are so wrapped up amongst themselves that untangling them and presenting them to the world is impossible. Though one feels that there is someone somewhere who can enter the warmth of this cocoon and weave out the knots that bind us so mercilessly from inside.<br /><br />Our increasing individuality and selfishness is rendering us lonelier as we age. Everyone seems to be living for himself/herself. But the heart desires someone to live for. One dreams of an enigmatic soul, willing to put itself in our shoes. To live, understand and survive the world together. But togetherness seems to be shallow and transient. It seems more situational than by design. More often than not it ends up being a function of convineance. Complacency sets in and one does not bother to take an extra effort. The world tumbles ahead and so do we with our complacency.......<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-10523034372353937662007-09-05T00:46:00.000+05:302007-09-05T01:17:36.850+05:30Forward, I hope<div style="text-align: justify;">So says the rat who wants to become a chef. A wonderfully neutral statement according to me. Optimistic and pessimistic at the same time. Reflects the fact that we never really know. We never really know which way is forward in life.<br /><br />People are always willing to give perspective to an issue but not really solve an issue. Constructive advice and opinion is a rare resource. Maybe the reason why i have started to find many people phony , including myself at times. Whatever said and done MICA has been a forward step for all involved. Nobody leaves this place without changing in some way. It really teaches you some hard lessons on personal relationships either by direct or indirect experience.<br /><br />I have never been so unclear about my way forward as i am now. Whatever step i take does not seem to be the right thing to do. I keep on oscillating from highs to lows. Lows being more prolonged. The mind seems to have given up now. I am in reactionary mode. That means i can only hope to stumble on to the right way forward.<br />God bless<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19037767.post-84878366936596444342007-09-03T01:03:00.000+05:302007-09-03T01:48:50.292+05:30Bad LoserFailure hits me hard. I do not take it too well. I do not try hard often. Maybe thats the reason since when i do try hard and success eludes me, i go negative. Optimism has a transitory existence in my psyche. I lose self belief easy when faced with failure.<br /><br />The only good thing is that i do not mope about the failure for a long time. I does have its effect but i reconcile soon and generally end up resolving to work harder the next time around which never really happens and the circle repeats itselfUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0