Ataraxis

Travel

2011-03-16T00:21:00.000+05:30

Thats been missing for close to a year now. The surroundings and the pressures within have become all too familiar. I need to break this jinx soon. To breathe fresh air. To be in the open again.

To you, my reflection

2011-03-15T21:45:00.000+05:30

Been a while. I indulged in flirtations by starting some other blogs which are now reduced to a mere stastic. Habits once formed are difficult to let go. Hence, i am back to this lovely blog. To rediscover some earlier habits which were responsible for me being stronger, fearless and sharper. To rediscover writing. To rediscover my desire.

The world has changed so dramatically and i am struggling to keep up. Letting myself get raped by circumstances, constantly embattled by fear of the unknown and drowning the voice of my heart. I come back to thee, the reflection of my thoughts and a way i can reconnect.

Back on the path due to my common soul who knows who she is and believes in me. Of promises to her and worse still promises to myself that went un-kept. I went by without fighting hard, memories of earlier victories just a haze, i searched and searched for that injection of enthusiasm. The quick fix panacea to my troubles. All of 27 and yet uncertain, and letting things flow.

A spark has ignited a tiny flame recently. I battle to nourish it into the fire that will drive me again. A fire to light up the engulfing darkness. To give myself a chance. To take a risk. To hear my heart again!

When action is equated with talk

2009-12-09T21:24:00.000+05:30

A very Indian trait. Endemic in our culture and in us. Got the articulation for this insight from this post by Calamur : http://calamur.org/gargi/2009/11/26/2611-just-another-date/

Something i very well identify with myself. Often times i am provoked to action when absolutely necessary and often find myself convincing myself with talk in my head about my future actions. Promise myself a brilliant future and work towards it. Dream up wonderful circumstances and situations where i act like a man responsible for his destiny. Where i break the tide of things and let them flow in my desired direction. In a convoluted manner , this blog is also a representation of my mere talk and very little action.

Frustrated. Desire to live my life to the fullest. When will i act upon it?

The Dragon

2009-11-16T00:21:00.001+05:30

The song that is stuck in my head these days.

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The Dragon by Guggenheim Grotto

my brother is gifted he says he can wake in his dreams

and you can do anything if you can wake in your dreams

grow ten feet taller and talk with giraffes

with one single step cut the universe in half

yes you can do anything if you wake up in dreams

he met his dragon; his dragon flew him into space

there was junk everywhere, everywhere was a floating disgrace

so they went to a room that was hollow and white

they waited a while till the door opened wide

my father walked in and he and my brother embraced

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Listening to this, as i ride in the morning in a caged AC bus brushing against people all of them headed to work, solemn faces and no desire to know the person next to you. So literally preferring to be 'transported' and avoiding any further emotional addition.

And i hear this with a smile on my face. I get lost, in my dreams.

The Glory of Hope

2009-11-15T17:51:00.001+05:30

Automobiles, machines and hundreds of such examples of human ingenuity all run on a fuel. Everything needs something to crank itself up and set the parts rolling. A critical ingredient without which it is nothing but a worthless piece of crap. This applies to humans too and the great fuel that drives humans is Hope. In a way, it is hope that distinguishes humand from other animals. animals are driven by instinct, preprogrammed and will persist endlessly for the same. Our survival instinct, that causes a drowning man to resist is in someways similar to the preprogrammed nature of animals. But our ability to hope is something that makes us unique.

Hope is eternal and when all seems lost it is only this ability in us to envision something better, to hope something better is what that keeps us going forth. In the light of this fact, there should be happiness all around. All of us should be able to tap into this and keep marching ahead and achieve that glorious future that we hope for. Given such an incredible gift, it still appalls me to see that barely anyone seems to buy into it. To see so many around me resigned to fate. To wonder whether they tried and failed or are they in the process, trying to escape. Or maybe to remove the bias, it may after all be their ideal place and hence not fighting it out. Though it cannot be the truth for the majority. Why does it appear that the majority simply have decided to let it all flow? To not create a resistance that hope so often inspires you to. I have found myself wanting of this hope on a few occasions this past year, in fact have been running a low reserve and that too for not apparent grief. Things are all in my control and after all , the truth being that we are responsible for what we are.

To build a stockpile of this hope and to keep edging ahead. To use this fuel and persist with ones dreams. To take the risks and make those commitments. Little do we know , how much we can stretch and how much we can achieve. To simply surge forth with the glory of hope!

A New Look

2009-10-20T22:53:00.001+05:30

Tinkering again.Weird this! Constant feeling of being stuck. My past few posts have all been talking about this. Been like this for a year now. As my 26th birthday was nearing i was taken aback at the thought that a year had disappeared. All i did was react and simply flow along with whatever came by and offered no resistance whatsoever. It did shake me off my unknowing slumber.

Taking control now. Little by little.

Anyone

2009-09-03T23:58:00.002+05:30

A pertinent need for escape. All around me, in the eyes of so many people whom i encounter. A fight from within against this need. Some who have succeeded are lifeless, a resignation to the current state reflected in their eyes. Why is the world in such a disarray? Why are we so scared of the unknown?

The route to happiness is clear to everyone. But very few have the legs for it. A simple life yet complicated by our discipline less mind. Struggling to find innocence around me. Everything comes wrapped with ulterior motives. I need to change. Let it rain, these drops of clarity and hope i catch it before it gets muddled in these vast expanses of human insanity. If we let instincts over power us and heed and reward each and every instinct will it make us happier or simply an animal? Do we use our intellectual prowess to justify all our instincts and tame them just like we are trying to tame nature? Why is there the strong need to control in us? Why do we need to be in control of our lives, our present, our future? Why do we desire a purpose in life and are lost and miserable without it?

Anyone?

Alive and Kicking

2009-09-02T23:43:00.002+05:30

The homing device in my head had gone for a huge spin headed towards nowhere. All kinds of tinkering and tossing around has finally resulted in some kind of alignment. Gaining of conciousness. Realisation of a purpose . Snowballing into some kind of momentum. Desire and inclination to discover the tempo. Smooth whirring sounds in the head. Clarity. Feels good to be alive.

What do i chase?

2009-08-11T22:08:00.003+05:30

After having essayed an almost lyrical paragraph enlisting the blankness that i face currently, a chance slip of fingers and a hitherto unknown shortcut on the keyboard caused my text box to blank out. The words as ephemeral as my various dreams and currently untraceable. The first rays of early morning light, slowly caress the darkness under my eyelids and nudge me out of a beautiful world. The complete ignorance induced by sleep and the limitless aspirations of our dreams makes it a very comforting experience only to awaken to a sense of despair. A lack of understanding of my routine and the reason for my persistence.

I have no clue what i am destined for and how i am going to achieve or what i want to achieve. At the prime of my youth i am absolutely clueless. The precious time that i have been bestowed with is evaporating away. As directionless as spilled water, i am just flowing wherever i do not see an obstruction and doing nothing to overcome any obstructions on my path. Comfortable with the controlled environment that i have built for myself but struggling in my own skin. The dichotomy has caught up with me again and i am struggling to float with the lack of purpose and the constant satiating of immediate desires causing me to be a slave rather than have any sense of liberation.

I seek a reason. A desire to be up every morning and face a day brimming with energy to accomplish what i desire. To chase!

Education & the nature of work

2009-06-01T22:25:00.003+05:30

True education is that which makes us humble. Humility is the true essence of knowledge and the realisation of the fact that we learn throughout our lives. Higher education brings with it a sense of pride that masks this humility and makes people arrogant and supremely confident. Higher education does nothing to inculcate any sense of better living or conduct. In fact, i have found the uneducated to be most considerate amongst us. They value what they have and they value their relationships. They do not have a scale defined by degrees, by which they measure up people but it is done purely by deeds and actions. I have seen others and have myself felt false pride of being a graduate from a prestigious institution. The fact remains that the place does not define me rather only my actions there define me. And my actions throughout my life will define me.

Speaking of actions, i have always truly believed that man essentially finds pleasure when he is creating something. Commerce in the olden days was all about creation and barter. Everyone has a skillset that is valuable to the community as a whole and exploiting it gives him true happiness. Therein lies happiness in being a mere cobbler or a construction worker or a farmer all of whom use their two hands to create. Good old manual labour that has been replaced by the cubicle that is fast making us forget the tools of survival. The pure epiphany of facing the odds of nature and being shaped by its rules makes one harmonious with a deeper sense of being that we all are in a constant search of.

Therin lies the restlessness of my hands.

Amen!

The way we make it

2009-06-01T21:24:00.003+05:30

Racing thoughts, uncontrolled and directionless leading to neither a conclusion or slowing down in anyway. Break! Relax and then a complete void. A void that is not empty but fulfilling. A calmness sets upon the mind. The riot within is purged replaced by a comforting calm. And i am at peace. That's all it takes.

Knock! Knock!

What you resist persists - Carl Jung

Starting Line

2009-01-04T23:48:00.001+05:30

Just need to focus. Be in the moment and most importantly, be myself. Honest to the core. A lot to learn and a lot to live :)

Mere Sentences

2009-01-03T00:46:00.005+05:30

Rise

This is for me. Just plain sentences. Words strung up together. Make me feel, ache, cry and express. No thought, no flow. No objective and no point to make or prove. I know everything, I am conscious about every idea i believe in and i do things wrong consciously by succumbing to my mind. So here goes, mere sentences.

Have a heart.

Mould your mind.

A lot to learn and a lot to live.

Be awake.

Complete honesty towards oneself.

Be in the moment.

Focus.

Live life.

Discipline mind and body.

Try and control your life.

Get a Grip.

Make your destiny.

There is always a choice.

Make your choice and not let it be made.

Be conscious of everything you do.

Invest your complete presence in everything you do.

Respect elders and traditions.

We are what we think.

Be persistent.

Be involved.

Go the extra mile.

Never lose hope.

Positivity in everything.

Smile.

Give experience a chance.

Lose inhibitions and ego.

RISE

Rise

2009-01-02T13:50:00.002+05:30

A beautiful word, plain, simple, positive and full of encouragement. Something that the heart desires and the mind connives.

A new beginning.

Cleaning my slate. Letting go. Being truly fresh.

And here I Start

Marathon Man

2008-12-24T13:49:00.002+05:30

It is a long run. A run one cannot avoid. A run that may not seem like one. That tires you, refreshes you and enriches you. A race that simply tests your persistence. Creates obstacles and a graph with regular zeniths and nadir. A race where there is no way to determine a winner or a loser. You just be. Run till you run out of breathe, literally.

Insane is life. Our manner of living and surviving. Do we really own our lives? Feel like a constant prisoner. A trap and a maze, delusional. Navigating through this maze, little do I realize that it’s a trap that I have been snared in. My curiosity makes the maze bearable but when the innocence completely dies, I will be horribly trapped.

I run. Off the starting blocks. No point in stopping, as long as I am running I am moving towards something. However unknown and uncertain it might be. At least I am moving. This be my marathon.

Buffet

2008-10-17T14:56:00.002+05:30

I am not really a lunch person. Eating out means going out for some nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. Ever since i reached bangalore , now lunch has become this regimented affair almost. Don't feel like eating but usually am driven by hunger caused by a lack of breakfast.

So i tumble , drag and scratch my head every afternoon peering at restaurants, deciding whether they sound appetizing. With names like Adiga's, Empire, Paramount, New Shanti Sagare and the likes nothing really allures me to expend my taste buds at these restaurants.

Bangalore though is like a hub for buffet restaurants. Almost every restaurant worth its toothpick has a lunch buffet. And this is where i usually find myself. Alwayus allured y the spread, it serves its purpose. Sometimes the mere act of tasting everything is enough to fill my stomach. Good or bad, tasting and going through the whole spread is quite a mouthful. The most delightful aspect is to watch human greed come to the fore. People overcome with a burning passion to get full value for the money they pay and go beyond that and make the restaurant regret their decision. It is almost like a sense of achievement and pride to go for a refill a minimum of 5 times. A point which they can brag about in front of their friends. Something even i have been prey to when this sense of achievement overcomes me and i dump food into my system. There is something very perverse about this that i cant lay my finger on. And absolutely hahve

Whiff

2008-10-16T18:16:00.004+05:30

Of fragrance, smell, an opportunity. Be it anything but sometimes all we need is a flash. A vision or a minuscule amount of the right kind of inspiration. I am constantly being wooed by this whiff of a fragrance. A fragrance i desire to engulf myself with. Visions that are fleeting but strong enough which paint a future that i desire.

Wafts of desire, might be a stretch metaphorically but the world of desires powered by our heart can only be explained by metaphorical excess. And that indeed is its beauty. Painting a portrait is easy but the true magic is bringing it to life. I have been lucky enough to have experienced this and now i am addicted.

Stoic belief and hanging on to that whiff of hope and desire always ensures magic. Had i read this post a few months back i would have found it to be cryptic and inane. That's the change that has come over me and i simply love the feeling.

I have smelt the whiff of change recently and there will be change. A change governed by my desires. Very soon.

25

2008-10-08T18:22:00.003+05:30

God that seems old. When i was 16 i had a vision of myself as a 25 year old. I envisaged myself well educated and working somewhere that required me to wear a suit to work in an air conditioned flashy office. With me being supremely assured and sure of myself and my decisions. Totally mature and responsible in every sphere of my life and completely trained and tutored to face life head on.

Well i am 25 and i can just about claim to be well educated but don't feel like one. Feel as confused as a 16 year old with no clue about what my future holds and am definitely not dead certain about my decisions :) My job gives me no opportunity to wear a suit and in fact i do not even own one. I work in a crowded market area subject to the vagaries of nature.

Besides my job everything else about myself seems perfectly fine. I do not think i will ever attain completely maturity or will ever have more than a 50:50 success rate with my decisions. But what i have gained is that i am being honest to myself. This seems to be my greatest achievement by the age of 25. At the age of 16, adulthood seemed to be a warped world where the only way to survive was to be dishonest to yourself.. A quarter century experience of living behind me , brought up lovingly by my parents instilling a solid base so that i could create my own value system. A life uplifted by happiness and marred by sadness in appropriate proportion that has taught me that the best way to live is to stay in the present and experience it to the fullest. Its a tough call but i try hard everyday with a moderate success rate.

As i look ahead, i have no elaborate plans but to absorb life and its numerous twists and turns. Love the recent turns and twists it has taken bringing me forth on to a pathway that was hitherto hidden from my meandering eyes. A pathway that exposes itself on a day to day basis and that rewards one if they listen to their heart for directions. Let not this world and its complex system of chaining you to things posses you. Learn to maneuver and manipulate and work within the system. The system we live in gives us context and hence it is important. Keep the context in your mind but develop your own meanings.

Cheers to life

Stuck

2008-10-08T17:40:00.002+05:30

How many times in life do we reach this situation? It seems to be a cyclic fixture in our lives. And i seem to have completed another cyclic round. Frustrations in me seem to be following the example of the tides caused by the moon on our vast oceans. Cyclic high and lows have become commonplace. Feel completely stuck with the job i am doing right now and the city i am in. Yearn for a creative output and an escape route for my senses that have been dulled over the past few months.

The essential question being, how did i end up in this mess? how did that happen i wonder. Nothing more than a combination of not capitalizing on the available choices and an ill informed sense of direction. But that is forgivable. Happens to the best of us. Lesson learnt.

Time to set things right. So starting a job hunt in a depressed economy and certainly looking to get back to Mumbai. That's where my heart is.

Dance

2008-10-02T21:13:00.003+05:30

Has been always a very enriching experience for me. whenever i have danced, except a few occasions when i became conscious, i have loved the release. Something about the gay abandon with which our body moves to beats that pulsate somewhere deep in our minds

The real beauty about dancing is that it does not matter whether we are good at it or bad at it. what matters is whether we get that release and the sense of freedom and connect with our body. That reminds me that it has been a real long time since i have danced. Wonder when i will bogey again. That aside what really motivated me to write this post is a video Nikhil sent to me which made me super jealous since i identified with it instantly and probably a hundred million people around the world did the same. It combines what of my most fiercest desires with dance. Travel :)

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY&feature=user

Amen

Honest

2008-10-02T20:45:00.002+05:30

Black and white. That's the environment that my blog breathes in. And that's what i strive for in general. To achieve that clarity and the ensuing peace that accompanies such clarity.

I have been disconnected but lets not get into that right now. At this present stage of my life i feel far more connected in life than ever before. Found a purpose and way of life that feels worthwhile. Ironic that i revisit my blog on this day, Oct 2nd. This divine clarity as it may seem is nothing beside being completely honest to myself. Something that i thought i was doing for a long while but it all turned out to be hogwash.

It seems so intrinsic and so simple but that is not the true picture at least in my case. Being honest to ourselves is something that you affect at the very core of your being. With some very difficult decisions and immense conviction in self and our desires. Once this core is stable the harmony spreads to once exterior and we begin attracting things/people that help build this core. This in essence is the manner in which i have changed and experienced over the past few months. It comes accompanied by this huge sense of freedom that nobody can control your life expect you and your actions/ decisions.

Lack Coffee

2007-11-08T04:09:00.000+05:30

Slightly high. High on substance. High on lack of substance. That is any-body's guess. Everything is hazy at the moment. Hazy in terms of emotions which i will try to collate for this article. Difficult task this. But a task that ain't as mundane as rehashing knowledge for the nth time for the satisfaction of some pseudo evaluative process. So what do you think this is going to be? An exercise in self expression that reflects the anguish hidden in my superficial exterior. That might be the pivot that catches attention but that ain't the purpose behind this monologue. I shall respect the fact that some of you have chosen to read some words that i have managed to weave together.

4 months to go. In a place where i had always wanted to be. True it did not really live up to my expectations but then it opened my eyes to a totally new perspective. A cocooned existence in a picturesque setting with a bunch of humans trying to be humans. The initial claustrophobia that this place subjects one to is indeed traumatic. But then slowly, before we know it we start getting used to this. Similar faces, expressions, routine, relationships, learnings, frustrations and apathy that we so get used to. We slowly get disconnected with the world. In a village, away from civilization most of us remain media dark. Start building our own worlds in context to each other that makes us more dependent on the community we are living in. Constantly striving for acceptability over here. And therein lies the reason for pretense. Nobody can afford to be isolated over here. Those who have managed to do so are miserable. So in effect we end up being close to a precious few and phony to a multitude. Oops, now what did i do here? I have gone against my word and displayed all this anguish. Trust me i tried to mask it all but then i guess i am incapable of doing that at least when i write.

All this really ain't as dark as i have painted it to be. This is what i have become used to and i have started loving this state of being. I am comfortable over here away from the reality of the world. Nice and sheltered, doing what my heart desires and in full acceptance of the standards one needs to maintain around this place. Nobody around to question us, the first true phase of our adult lives. Temptations encouraged and available wherever i look. Seems like an eternity, this phase of life appeared to stretch towards infinity but reality is dawning at the horizon. Soon i shall be released from here and forced to embrace the outside world. A world that i have long forgotten and lost fancy for. It is cruel to be asked to disassociate from this place after all this. Indeed, i have fallen in love with this environ and some of the people here.Twilight approaches and the magical night in this place is coming to an end. Much like my tenure over here. No idea of what will happen once i step out of here. Sleep enveloping my senses even as i try and comprehend what my 9 am lecture is about. At this moment i lack coffee.

Tumbling ahead

2007-09-15T04:25:00.000+05:30

The parity between what i say and what i feel is increasingly becoming non existent. It is like living in two worlds. A cocoon of emotions within us that are so wrapped up amongst themselves that untangling them and presenting them to the world is impossible. Though one feels that there is someone somewhere who can enter the warmth of this cocoon and weave out the knots that bind us so mercilessly from inside.

Our increasing individuality and selfishness is rendering us lonelier as we age. Everyone seems to be living for himself/herself. But the heart desires someone to live for. One dreams of an enigmatic soul, willing to put itself in our shoes. To live, understand and survive the world together. But togetherness seems to be shallow and transient. It seems more situational than by design. More often than not it ends up being a function of convineance. Complacency sets in and one does not bother to take an extra effort. The world tumbles ahead and so do we with our complacency.......

Forward, I hope

2007-09-05T00:46:00.000+05:30

So says the rat who wants to become a chef. A wonderfully neutral statement according to me. Optimistic and pessimistic at the same time. Reflects the fact that we never really know. We never really know which way is forward in life.

People are always willing to give perspective to an issue but not really solve an issue. Constructive advice and opinion is a rare resource. Maybe the reason why i have started to find many people phony , including myself at times. Whatever said and done MICA has been a forward step for all involved. Nobody leaves this place without changing in some way. It really teaches you some hard lessons on personal relationships either by direct or indirect experience.

I have never been so unclear about my way forward as i am now. Whatever step i take does not seem to be the right thing to do. I keep on oscillating from highs to lows. Lows being more prolonged. The mind seems to have given up now. I am in reactionary mode. That means i can only hope to stumble on to the right way forward.
God bless

Bad Loser

2007-09-03T01:03:00.000+05:30

Failure hits me hard. I do not take it too well. I do not try hard often. Maybe thats the reason since when i do try hard and success eludes me, i go negative. Optimism has a transitory existence in my psyche. I lose self belief easy when faced with failure.

The only good thing is that i do not mope about the failure for a long time. I does have its effect but i reconcile soon and generally end up resolving to work harder the next time around which never really happens and the circle repeats itself

The Last Mile

2007-08-25T23:16:00.000+05:30

I feel that i am slowly coming out of it. The mental abyss that i have been traversing for a very long time. After years i am developing a semblance of confidence. Internally i feel tremendously motivated. Life seems to be revealing some of its secrets to me. The revelations have rekindled something in me that is helping me push myself. I see targets in front of me and all of them seem within my grasp. I could kill a lion with my bare hands.

I have found my opium. The last stretch that i run when my body is crying to quit gives me the biggest kick ever. The desire to learn is finally coming back. Ignoring the hurtful petty words that keep orbiting around me has become easy. I think i am finally changing.

Whats more i think i am getting my concentration back.

Wonky

2007-08-09T04:21:00.000+05:30

According to Madame Goodman, Librans have this tendency of having varying periods of activity and inactivity. I have been a lump over the past 2 weeks mainly due to my non existent lecture schedule. The extra time is making me think too much and the lack of optimism in some of these thoughts have started to take its toll on me .

This however is going to change soon. Intense period of activity is about to start. Soon i will be so busy that i will have no time to think. And then again i would wish for some free time where i could simply sit and think. Life continues to be at its dichotomous best. I am starting to wonder whether neutrality really exists in this world. Their is either optimism or pessimism, hatred or love, lust or disgust..... Indeed such a dichotomy beholds my mind at the present moment.

The dichotomy between the heart and the head. Everything logically adds up to a certain decision but the heart dictates a different decision. I can be either brutal to someone else or be brutal to myself. Not a choice i want to make.

Life is full of tough decisions but this will be the toughest i make. Indecision is another trait harbored by a normal libran according to Madame Linda. I seem to be abnormal in this regard as i simply cant make up mind on this issue.

Admist all this mental muddle i easily had one of my best days in my room. It was pouring crazy yesterday night. The world had called it a night. The only sound audible was of the rain drops splashing on the absorbent earth. Insects conveying their presence through a mellifluous opera. The streetlight giving immense character to the falling rain. Subtle shadows hiding its secrets. Nature had started speaking to me. Conversing about nothing in general but an emotion in particular. I did not understand what emotion it was trying to convey till the afternoon. The rain continued to ramble with me. The light a lot more benevolent reflected an immense spectrum of colours. My window expanded to cover the entire scope of my vision and made me privy to an extremely beautiful world. Then i understood that the world spoke of happiness. Dichotomous to the sadness filled in my wonky head.

A watery right eye

2007-08-07T03:11:00.000+05:30

Is it just some alien particle irritating my right eye. The irritation refuses to cease. The tear drops continue to swell and the nose is beginning to leak. The left eye however stays sane and does not seem to be losing it. It is definitely the cooler one, with it is calm presence.

A duality that is mirrored in my state of mind. Thoughts that are bothering me no end. Internal turmoil at a peak . There seems to be no right. Whatever i will end up doing will be wrong. But i do not have an option if i do listen to my heart. It will be the toughest thing ever. Will make my life Topsy turvy and send me on a tremendous guilt trip.

This will be my toughest decision ever and might end up even making my left eye teary.

3rd August

2007-08-04T01:07:00.000+05:30

My worst day in Mica till date.

Got screwed by the class.
Got thrown out of a close friends room
Return of the girlfriend stalker.

How much of the flak do i really deserve. Well apart from the second incident , hardly any i suppose.

Reaction: Feel like simply converging into myself and stay closed. Do things from now on only at an individual level. No longer contain my aggressiveness.

A Good Start

2007-07-22T03:10:00.000+05:30

I have lost the ability to finish a book . I have started 4 books this summer and haven't finished a single one. But then it does not bother me as earlier. I used to get worked up on a whole lot of issues , indulge in intense thought over the matter and finally do something which always was not proportional to the though put behind it and fell short. But then over the summer i have learned an important lesson of thinking and pondering lesser and acting and reacting more.

Not bothered of making mistakes, in fact it helps to think lesser than i usually do and act as fast as i can since whatever mistake i commit helps me refine my direction. I am trying not to let people and their loose talk not affect me. Strangely i do get affected by what people say and think about me even if they are mere acquaintances. A close friend can really damage my self confidence unknowingly.But then the same hasn't been the case the past few months with a lot of acid talk hardly inciting a thought in me. I have become more narcissistic over the period of my internship and i ain't apologetic or regretful about it. MICA life in second year has been slow at times but mostly well placed. I am in love with my room and the privacy it fetches me. I guess that in itself is something i cherish and has been responsible for my cheerfulness. With a roommate always around everyone behaves subconsciously in a certain guarded manner.

Just the start i wanted this year. :)

Crisp

2007-06-15T17:14:00.000+05:30

Erratic Blogging at its best. Back again but did not anticipate the change i would go through and that too of all the places in Chennai. Enough said. Till laters

Madras Mail

2007-04-24T02:23:00.000+05:30

source : http://www.jorgetutor.com/india/sindia/chennai/chennai2.htm

Chennai beckons. Over the past few days i have realised that i have a stereotypical image of the city in my head. My interactions with my friends further strengthens this stereotype. But every city has got a character of its own and provides a unique experience to different individuals. Till now i have heard more negatives than positives about the city but i am sure the good things are hidden there waiting to be explored. That is what excites me. New city all on my own with the freedom to explore it the way i want to. Perfect.

As far as the internship goes. i hope i get decent work and more than that understand thoroughly how an ad agency functions while developing some good relationships in the process. Hopefully i manage to interact and open up soon enough since 2 months is a short period. I am mentally preparing myself and will reach the office sans any ego willing to do whatever is required. There is no point getting frustrated with the work or lack of it in an internship. It is more about experience and observation. In 2 months nobody can do something mind blowing and alter the course of the company as such. It is a limited impact and the more open and receptive i am to any kind of work coming my way the better it will be. Will also have interns from other MBA colleges to give me company so hopefully i end up having some good company.

This however is the main problem that i will face :

Right from the moment you alight at the Chennai Central railway station you notice something everywhere in the air...it's a tremendous linguistic pride, to the extent of being an inertia. The coolie will come up to you, and depending what you look like - talk in Hindi or Tamil. Having found that you are Hindi-speaking, he will, very politely, offer his help to carry your luggage. You, being a light traveller, refuse and then ask him, in Hindi, where the main gate is. He will suddenly, behave as if someone just attacked his linguistic independence. He will shake his hands all over his body, dance around for a while and before you think you have got the right quantam-mechanical equation to pin down his momentum and position, he will depart, leaving you feeling stupid all over. He has shown you that he does not understand Hindi. In fact, this attribute of the people is most wonderful, and is of tremendous academic interest. Unless they want something from you or want to exercise their skills in Hindi, they will not talk to you in Hindi. English they might speak, but Hindi, an emphatic no!

source : http://www.indiatravelogue.com/trav/impr19.html

The heat i suppose will take some getting used to but then i had managed decently well over there when i had gone for my cousin sister's wedding in the middle of may in the recent past. Whatever happens it is going to hell lot different to life at Mumbai. I remember being mighty pissed when i got placed in JWT Chennai since i had almost assumed that they would place me in Mumbai and had no clue about the office in Chennai. Was pretty devastated with the news but then gradually started seeing the plus points of coming to a different city and a smaller branch. Now i am positively upbeat about this opportunity and hopefully will make something good of it.

Not so random

2007-04-22T02:12:00.000+05:30

Often you try and question yourself. Wonder whether you have changed. It does not seem as such but the world around you accuses of having changed.

I am very stubborn and obstinate when it comes to something i believe in and i am especially forceful about it with the people who are close to me. I enforce what i believe in on them and do not accept any rebuttal. Specially in a situation, if i believe that 'x' is a logical outcome then i will push for it and manipulate as much required till that has been adopted.

this attitude is Not doing a lot of good to my relationships though....

But then i still persist.

23

2007-04-21T01:34:00.000+05:30

Thats my age. Does not sound too good. I feel awkward. 23 years of my life are done with and i am half way through in becoming a 24 year old. That sounds old to me. When i was a teenager i had a very different vision of myself at this age. Somehow i feel different to what i had imagined myself to be.

I used to think i would be fit. Contrary to that i am quite a lump. imagined myself to be mature and sure of my decisions. Nothing of that sort has happened and i am still as indecisive as ever and prone to some real immature decisions.Thought that i would be able to take up big responsibilities without the blink of an eyelid. I still cringe at assuming responsibility.Somehow have the feeling that responsibility ties you down and does not let you explore.

I do not have much to show for my 23 years of life. Nothing beyond the ordinary. Feels weird especially when i hear about other successful 23 year olds.

At this point of my life, i am in a quest to change myself for the better or at least what i think is good for me. If i am able to make the leap by the time my 24th birthday arrives , i will be a much happier 24 year old.

2007-04-20T01:08:00.000+05:30

Well thought i will put up my book wait list.

Currently reading: ( since almost 2 weeks, somehow i am finishing books much slower than before. Do not have sustained periods of reading) A short history of nearly everything - Bill Bryson
A fascinating book that is improving my general knowledge tremendously. It is like instant science, without the bothersome equations and elaborate theories. Just concepts explained very succinctly and with an entertaining approach with little tit bits that make you realize that scientists aren't as dull as they are made out to be. I am done with half the book. Planning to finish it over this weekend

Wait list

1) Shantaram: Have heard so much about this book that i have to absolutely read it. Guess i will a buy a copy of this book.

2) Kite runner: Another highly recommended book. The book is there in Mica library. Have observed three people reading it and whoever has picked it up has taken a maximum of 2 days to finish it off since it is a very addictive read.

3) The long tail: A book i picked up at crosswords recently. Had a read an article about the concept of long tail and liked it. So picked it up and hoping for some value add here.

4) The Goal 2: Had read the first part and absolutely loved it. Talks about operations management but in the laymans language and extremely informative.

Well this is my wish list for the next month and odd. Hopefully i would be able to rev up my reading speed and fiish most of them. Will keep updating about this quest of mine.

The Wall

2007-04-20T00:28:00.000+05:30

So i went to this shop in dadar today. I went there with my mom. A standard ritual that i have been accustomed to over the 12 years that i have spent in this city. The shop in question is a blouse matching center. When we first came to mumbai, we used to stay in bandra. During our explorations of the city, we tumbled into this shop bang in the middle of dadar market. My mom has been a regular there since she is generally very loyal in her purchases. Owing to her inability to catch on and remember roads the responsibility to take her to this place fell on me. And so it has been ever since. Once every 3 to 4 months we make a trip to dadar market and mom gets her dresses made, altered etc.

In the past 12 years a lot of changes took place in my life. I grew up for starters. Had a lively and interesting bunch of teenage years. Entered adulthood but still not sure about my footing. Lots of things changed around me, so did my lifestyle. Dad prospered a lot and i was the direct beneficiary. But ad mist all this my trips to this shop were a constant. Once or twice i tried coaxing my mom into trying out some other place but she never budged. The attendants of the shop were by now familiar faces especially a certain short gentleman with a forever smiling face. All these years went by and we never exchanged more than a smile. Until today when for the first time we spoke. He has been working in the shop for the past 18 years out of which me and my my mom featured in 12 of those. An utterly genial man, had a pleasant conversation with him and finally got to know his name - Dilip Desai.

On my way back, i realised that i could have had this little conversation years back. Could have known him better and developed a better relationship and connect with the chop. But i have always since childhood taken a lot of time to open up. Initially i always appear very reserved practically a snob. Led me to think on how many such Dilip Desai's i have missed interacting with in my life. Thought about my life in Mica over the past year. I could easily have been more forthcoming and approachable than what i was. I do tend to build these walls around me which i let very few people break into. But i am missing a lot more by doing this than i earlier thought i was. I always have this feeling that i am being judged at every moment. A wierd feeling indeed but it is precisely the reason why i tend to hide myself and expose very little of what i am. Simply because i hate being judged. But now i shall try and not bother about being judged and be more open and look put for relationships with my fellow humans.

Hiatus

2007-03-20T17:16:00.000+05:30

Well its over. Back on the blog again for the nth time after a hiatus. Theme still remains the same. Will ramble about the same issues since things havent changed that much. Satisfied with a few things and extremely disgruntled with a lot more.

Yesterday night was my first movie screening as a Trinetra member in MICA. A voting system was set up and 'Mind Game' an animation flick turned out to be the popular choice. I love the movie, it is simple yet complex in its elements.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0452039/

One single message was prelevant throught the movie- Your actions shape your life. A simple truth everyone understands but nobody acts upon it. We remain reactive in our lives and actions.

Well i am finishing of a year already in this place. Been a roller coaster experience. Getting a little homesick too. Internship in Chennai is bound to be another interesting experience. Hope i get to do some substantial work in my internship.

Solution

2007-02-22T03:53:00.000+05:30

An interesting forward i received .. though i cannot guarantee the veracity of the following instances but they make for an entertaining read:

Learn to focus on solutions and not on problems.

Case 1:

When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink won't flow down to the writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million.

They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C. And what did the Russians do...?? They used a pencil.

Case 2:

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soap box, which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soap box that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soap box went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.

Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty.

No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent whoopee amount to do so.

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Man's Salvation

2007-02-20T12:40:00.000+05:30

An interesting paragraph from a book on codes in culture that i have been reading for the past few days reserved specifically for boring lectures:

"Men are programmed for sex and, as much as he might protest this , the average man is willing to have sex with just about any woman willing to have sex with him. If a man notices a woman's beauty, though, if he stops to admire her physical magnificence rather than simply throwing her over his shoulder, his soul is elevated to another level. If a woman can impress her beauty upon a man permanently, if she can stay beautiful in his eyes, she can make him a better human being. She is doing more than keeping herself visually appealing to him; she is elevating him from a rutting animal to something more exalted."

Clotaire Rapaille on the back of his own research came up with this basic insight and thus the code of beauty in America which is Man's Salvation.

More than the code, the paragraph above has a profound learning about the true nature of men. I believe it is true in many cultures and not specific to the US.

There is nothing much i can add or subtract to this insight as it is more of a factual statement but every man needs to understand the basic thought that went behind it. Not try and be defensive and justify.

The picture above makes a lot of sense to me in this context and is a classic case of inter gender interaction.

Be in love with your Life

2007-02-08T02:16:00.000+05:30

Note To Self

It really ain't that long. Life is abrupt. Will disappear one day. And compared to the universe standards our life span cannot be appropriately represented as even the word minuscule is mammoth in nature when compared to reality.

Never hate your life. The way things are. It ain't right or wrong. There are only actions and consequences and what we usually go through is a consequence of our own doing. There simply isn't any time to waste really. To not pay attention to our surroundings and be trapped by our self obsessive minds. LIVE. Every moment, emotion,desire,conflict,tragedy. Look at your world and absorb. Respect your body as it is the most wonderful thing you will ever own. Be open in all aspects. Love yourself and your life

And so i ate

2007-01-30T03:34:00.000+05:30

What a massacre at chota today. kept on eating, hot parathas dripping with butter, noodles and more parathas. I love eating i say. But then thanks to the slow metabolism i have i put on weight easy. Been a good day overall. Got my final GPA for the first term and got a 3.43 which is more than what i had calculated earlier. Anyways second term my grades will be headed in the southward direction so a decent performance in this term really helps.

Part of an interesting play, though only as a technician handling the lights aspect. Somehow never felt the urge to act. I respect what actors do but personally i find it very monotonous to repeat the same lines over and over again. Nothing against anyone just a personal opinion. Direction on the other hand is a totally different ball game. Something that i wanted to be at a certain point in my life. Then realised that it was more of a hobby than a profession. Though would definitely love to do it again if need be.

Got a hellish month ahead, with non stop classes and assignments. Need to stay alert and not slack as a good performance is required this term to keep my gpa within respectable boundaries. Will give a few case studies a shot. Even though one might not get selected the best thing is that it provides one with a lot learning. Every time one attempts to solve a case, he/she learns a hell lot about the sector specific to the case. For instance the IIM Lucknow case has probably taught me enough to equal all my learning's in this term. Its my favorite chacha, sriram chacha's birthday today and i prey to god that i remember to wish him in the morning. I keep forgetting these important things not because i do not care , it is simply because i am forgetful.

I believe it is in libran nature to be furiously active in bursts and lazy the remaining time. I typically display this behaviour and had read about it common to Libras in a book. Libra's are always supposed to retain their curves and hence are not generally thin. Sometimes i eat when i am in a slight melancholy mood. The reason for that maybe cause i might have to wait a little bit more before i meet my girl again. Sigh. Thus that explains things and so i ate.

Become your own teacher

2007-01-26T02:11:00.000+05:30

Simply put , the title of the post means quite a bit, a thought presented to us by a visiting faculty whose profession is that of an account planner. Well anyways, came third at IIM Lucknow which ain't bad but not as good as the first 2 places. Nevertheless considering the lack of expertise in any of the domains on which we were made to compete i guess it is a good enough achievement. Back to campus classes engulfed me with full fury.

I am back to the restless mood of mine again. Feel like taking a swing at myself. One of the hardest things in life is to discipline oneself. Just cant get that right. The more i read and more i interact and the more i listen to classes the less educated i feel. Shit loads to learn and read about. Human ignorance is really a bane. Would love to be a lot more intuitive and aware. 26 days down this term. Have done a few things right and a few things very wrong. Mind still feels like a blank and do not feel that i am learning anything. Hopefully i am assimilating in some corner all that i read and hear about.

i am reading a lot more than before but upto satisfying levels. At the end of my MICA experience i am hoping it won't be just experience that i would be taking back with me. Hoping for a little bit more than that. To be aware of a lot more subjects. Not necessarily academic. It could be as regular a thing as coffee or history for that matter. The investment i am making at this place is huge. 2 years of my life. I am 23, i keep reminding myself of that, i need to get things into perspective. Need to remove the chalta hai attitude. Induce discipline in my life. By that i do not mean a military type regiment but something that keeps a person focused. Quite a struggle and am getting battered presently but will persist. Change after all does not happen overnight and i am not too late to start this as i know that i am a stubborn bastard at the end of the day.

Toilet Paper

2007-01-15T01:56:00.000+05:30

Been a good past few days for me. Things have gone well and as planned out . Have some semblance of a schedule to my life. Although nothing great things are falling into place. Did decently well in my acads too. My results were out and am satisfied with my performance. Got selected for a competition at IIM Lucknow too. So will be headed for Lucknow on the 18th and will be back on campus on the 24th. Apparently the best place over there serves Kebabs at 6 bucks a plate and parathas at 3 bucks a plate. I am gonna hog over there .. i will struggle to spend 50 bucks for a meal i suppose.

The only issue is it will be terrifically cold over there. The 10 odd degrees at MICA itself is bad enough , lower temperatures in Delhi and Lucknow wil be interesting i say. Wll be going to Lucknow via delhi and will be spending a day in toto. Would be interesting since i am returning to the city after nearly 11 years. Have bad memories about delhi and absolutely detest the attitude of the people and their behaviour towards women. Will never settle in that city for sure. Lucknow will be an interesting place to explore if at all i can do that.

Not feeling too well presently, with an iffy stomach and a massively leaky nose. Finished a roll of toilet paper wiping my nose already. Bloody irritating and the heaviness in the head one getsdue to cold aint too good either.

2007-01-09T02:43:00.000+05:30

A better day. Good breakfast followed by decent lectures and a good presentation. Wasn't a wasteful waste today. Satisfied at the way i was. Planned out a few things for the days ahead. Hopefully will work it out as i desire. Heard a lot of music today. I used to be quite a music fanatic when i was a teenager. Wonder when i lost the habit. The radio or the record player used to be on 24/7 in my room when i was younger in my late school and early college days. Used to listen to soo much radio that had a different sort of relation that i shared with the RJ. I actuallly once was sad when i recieved news that one of my favorite RJ's was leaving the station. But all this vanished suddenly. nothing drastic caused this change. Maybe i just floated away.

Now for some random news:

1)Twinkling in the sky is a diamond star of 10 billion trillion trillion carats, astronomers have discovered.

The cosmic diamond is a chunk of crystallised carbon, 4,000 km across, some 50 light-years from the Earth in the constellation Centaurus.It's the compressed heart of an old star that was once bright like our Sun but has since faded and shrunk.Astronomers have decided to call the star "Lucy" after the Beatles song, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

Twinkle twinkle

"You would need a jeweller's loupe the size of the Sun to grade this diamond," says astronomer Travis Metcalfe, of the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics, who led the team of researchers that discovered it.
The diamond star completely outclasses the largest diamond on Earth, the 546-carat Golden Jubilee which was cut from a stone brought out of the Premier mine in South Africa.The huge cosmic diamond - technically known as BPM 37093 - is actually a crystallised white dwarf. A white dwarf is the hot core of a star, left over after the star uses up its nuclear fuel and dies. It is made mostly of carbon.For more than four decades, astronomers have thought that the interiors of white dwarfs crystallised, but obtaining direct evidence became possible only recently.The white dwarf is not only radiant but also rings like a gigantic gong, undergoing constant pulsations.

"By measuring those pulsations, we were able to study the hidden interior of the white dwarf, just like seismograph measurements of earthquakes allow geologists to study the interior of the Earth."We figured out that the carbon interior of this white dwarf has solidified to form the galaxy's largest diamond," says Metcalfe.
Astronomers expect our Sun will become a white dwarf when it dies 5 billion years from now. Some two billion years after that, the Sun's ember core will crystallise as well, leaving a giant diamond in the centre of the solar system.

"Our Sun will become a diamond that truly is forever," says Metcalfe.

source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/3492919.stm

2)Indian Governement Declares 2007 as Water Year

The Centre has announced the year 2007 as "Water Year" with a view to addressing the water-related issues and to launch a massive awareness programme all over the country.

3) 2007 predicted to be the warmest year ever.

What with New York experiencing a temperature of 21C when it is supposed to be snowing there at this time of the year.

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Shield

2007-01-08T01:48:00.000+05:30

Many times i question myself on how good i am ? And then i have days like these. Where the whole day i was as constructive as the pigeon who tries desperately to get into my room. Even the pigeon manages to reach its goal sometimes but i just remain the same lazy asshole. Was a beautiful cold day where i could have done a lot of things. But i wasted my time away with only something constructive towards the night.

After all that i lament on how things could be better or different but i simply am stuck in this state. Nothing inspires me to really push myself. Even after all those promises to self that i will do better i just stagnate as before. Never perform to even 50 % of my potential. Reacting to everything that happens to me. Give big talks to myself but not execute any. It is sometimes mind fucks me too much.

Am i thinking about this too much? I do not know. There is no point giving any excuse either. Excuses just serve as a shield in this world. Everything can be achieved. Keeping no expectations for tomorrow. I miss my girl too.

A Change of Calender

2007-01-07T00:14:00.000+05:30

After much hoopla over the change of calenders , we are now well into 2007. 1996 seems like it happened yesterday. Time simply flies and new years always give me the feeling that we have a very short existence. Every moment we spend is extremely precious but then we hardly ever live for the moment.

Personally had a very good new years catching up with old college friends over really good liquor and jolly conversation. Stopped believing in resolutions so never made one this year. Anyways life is so unpredictable that it defeats the purpose of being to stuck to one particular rule. Back on campus, college life has resumed on slow pace. People over here now seem to be more relaxed about each other and their presence. The winter chill makes the night nice and snugly and the afternoons extremely pleasant. The sun feels good on the skin.

The joy of running on a virtually empty road with wilderness on either side with your out of control breath for company is total bliss. The joy derived from pushing oneself simply cannot be beaten by anything else. I have started going for a run again and hopefully will pursue it throughout this term.

I am trying to change the pattern of existence this term. Do things with a little more control over them . Getting a little more organised. Having a little bit more of self control. Try and gain some knowledge. Term has just started and am trying to set the pace as of now.

I feel i have matured a bit more over the past few months. Feel a hell lot more comfortable with the things around me and the way i am. I think i comprehend things better. Though i really do not have a fresh perspective at issues but that's what i am trying to develop.

Looking ahead this year is going to hold only personal challenges for me. Will be spending this whole year in this place excepting the summer and considering this place it is simply a matter of self improvement. Do not have any expectations from this year too. I have every opportunity i need in my hands, it boils down merely to the question of whether i will act?

A little bit bomesick

2006-12-16T02:48:00.000+05:30

Exams and assignments here again. 94 of us churning material largely repetitive in nature, all of us have the break in focus. A break from a place that gets to you when you hang around for too long. A culture that one cannot survive for too long in succession. In the normal world the 94 of us have different personalities and a different pace to things. World shrinks in this place. The stone pathways have been worn out by the trampling of similar feet over the past few months. The washer man must have memorized about 200 lines written on t-shirts. People have almost memorized each others wardrobes subconsciously. The keys on my keyboard have been punched too many times over. The monkeys are no longer scared of our familiar faces. The chairs in our class are broken. The badminton net has worn out. A skeleton is being built next to our hostel. The weather is cold and hostile in the nights. We still stay awake. Going on and on, our fingers twitch with uneasiness. People do not smile a lot now, nor do we sing as much as we used to. Tiredness has set in. The food tastes the same. A sojourn to the city is a constant deja vu. Flowery jeans and unimaginable colour do not startle anymore. The dust sticks to your skin. Hair stays unruly. Eyes are watery and tired. Sleep beckons in between lectures. The wooden chairs creak a lot more. The clock in the classroom is subject to pleading eyes willing it to move faster. Our ears catch innumerable words during the day but we understand very few. The bed feels harder. Hot water seems lukewarm. The mirror is tired of our sleepy faces with a brush shoved in our faces. Plates with compartments that seem unnecessary. Spoons that are either too big or too small. An alarm clock that rings earlier than required.

The time has come to head back home ......

Pat on my back

2006-12-16T02:19:00.000+05:30

Can i write that i have started to detest someone. Do i reveal my disillusionment? Sometimes words are useless when it comes to describing emotions. Or even at describing behaviour. This world has turned into an impressionist one but still that does not mean that people have turned blind. Respect should never be a function of age but should be more a function of deed and nature. Time soothes everything they say. But then it never erases. Vengeance is something i believe in but resort to rarely. Well this leaves me with nothing to prove in this place as there is no point to it. It is purely for personal pursuit.

I

2006-12-10T23:45:00.000+05:30

The suitcase on top of my cupboard is kept upside down. Left there like that in a hurry i have not bothered to change this. I let it be.

Takes 1/2 a minute to correct this but still i wont move. Room in a mess currently takes 10 minutes to change but won't attempt. Takes about 2 hours and get my account in Ahmadabad activated but will not activate. Takes about 2 trips to get the photos desired by Sugu delivered to her but wont move. Takes 2 hours per day in the library to keep myself upto date with world but i wont read. Takes an hour of running everyday to keep myself fit but i wont run. Takes a little bit of concentraton in the classroom to learn better but wont concentrate. Takes a little less gluttony in order to stop adding weight but i still binge.

But the only thing about which i am willing to do something about right now is my dandruff.

Deliver

2006-12-09T01:17:00.000+05:30

Why do i never understand this? We have full control over our lives still we seem to be driven by external forces, influenced by external thoughts and never fully satisfied by the way things are. Right now i could do a million things right and it ain't too difficult to achieve but still the lag sets in and then i am bouncing about dictated by external forces rather than internal motivation. This has been a permanent feature all through my life, i have tried to fight it sometimes but rather unsuccessfully. sometimes i managed to overcome this and came out feeling real good. I want to be more consistent in this aspect though which is not happening . I am 23 , with my whole life ahead of me. Decisions taken now might seem to be trivial in the present context but in the larger scheme of things everything has its lingering effects. At an age where one is supposed to be at his/her active best, physical best and mental best , i seem to be lacking on all three counts. This youth ain't gonna return to me ever. I better make the best use of it . Try and push myself more and do the things i like and the way i want it to be done.

You make soo many promises to yourself throughout our life but then how many of these promises are actually kept? It is like cheating oneself but then the guilt is not really there since convincing oneself is the easiest thing to do. I wish for a stronger conscience. A stronger will and maybe even more failures. Failure is the essential condiment in the recipe of success- Capote. Makes perfect sense. Success in the eyes of others is immaterial to me and has always been immaterial. But i have these personal goals and a certain vision, a desire that if i do not fulfil in this lifetime i wont be a satisfied man. Obviously they will be a certain amount of regret at certain things not achieved or not accomplished but that is the essence of life. One does not get everything he desires, but one can certainly keep on trying. And it is this continuing battle and attempt to get what one desires is what the most satisfying part of any quest. This seems to be lacking in me at this moment- the fight. I am too laid back for my own comfort.

I hate comparisons. I do not want to be like xyz or worse /better than xyz. I want to be me. The more i understand people the more i realise that we are incomparable. Thought this society judges in accordance to each other for lack of a better system, it is however thoroughly unfair. And this system is going to get worse and will exist in every activity we do. You either don't give a damn and stay aloof to escape this maddening comparisons or simply stay secluded. Competing with oneself is the only possible valid form of comparison. To improve personal bests in every activity is the most organic form of growth for a human being. But here again contentment sets in too easy for my comfort. Do i sound frustrated? I am not in one least bit. Rather i am in a clam trying to get a perspective. But then again perspectives are not actions. Wonder if i will deliver?

Casino Cascade

2006-12-07T03:26:00.000+05:30

Even after straining my memory real hard it took me a long time to think of the last good action movie i had seen last in a theatre. Today, Casino Royale more than made up for all the actionless visit to the theatres. A bond movie which broke sterotypes and was hugely refreshing. It did not have the sme olf formula type feel to it and wasn't to easy to predict. Daniel Craig did look like he could cause someone some harm if he took a swing unlike the earlier bond portrayed by Pierce Brosnana who was more of suave and verve than raw masculinity and power. Bond essentially is a mix of both which was pretty much apparent in the earlier bonds played by Roger Moore and Sean Connery.

After a very long time i saw an amazing starting sequence which totally hooked me on to the movie. The chase sequence sans fancy gadgets and snazzy at the start was refreshing and believable. It involved Sebastian Foucan who promoted his sport known as parkour or free running and it was fascinating as hell since all that he was doing was believable as i had already seen him earlier in a Chanel 5 documentary. The hands on approach of the Bond in the movie was extremely appelaing and Daniel Craig definately has the attitude. The next bond movie is due in 2008 and if this is anythind to go by we have another legendary Bond in the making in the form of Daniel Craig.

It was the perfect evening as we got a ride in a Tavera and were spared the bumpy long ride in a Chakra, ate two sumputous Subs and 600ml of cold coffee for 20 bucks and topped it all of with a great action flick. The return ride in the chakra with the surrounding fields covered in moonlight with the cold wind blowing into my face and the white divider markings racing by provided the perfect ending. Sigh, i love such perfect endings

Accounts Apocalypse

2006-12-06T18:59:00.000+05:30

Living in an hostel, with a constant cach crunch budgetting for me has reached an art form. Even givng my clothes for a wash becomes a major cost controlling decision. And the target is to minimise the number of clothes i wear which i say is a mighty difficult task during winters. We Indians do not have appreciation for body odour either. Thus complicating matters further. And to top it all here i am in the middle of lecture on budgeting by a prof who is wearing too many clothes for my liking.

It is amazing how the voice a prof can simple reduce to a mild buzz in my head but my countenance still manages to portray a sense of seriousness as i am typing this post. This subjects reaffirms my faith that i am in the right B-school which focusses on marketing disciplines only. Finanace and me are like pasta made with shrikhand used as sauce, a thorough and fantabulous mismatch.

Btw i am growing my beard and have got total polar opposites responses on the same. But my main motivation is not to look good but just grow a beard for the heck of it. I do not care if it looks like pubic hair on my face or like grass cut with blunt lawnmover blades. It is MY beard and i may dye it purple for all i care.

Ooh lecture getting over so me closing this post for now ...

Revive

2006-12-05T15:48:00.000+05:30

Sitting in a class, typing this post. After this long sabbatical , i revive. Been an eventful 6 months in this place. No particular memory has been etching enough though that i would want to recall it at this point of time. This revival in middle of a class is i guess perfect. To start again as randomnly as the blog had originally was started.

And even after 6 months , i do not have anything really substantial to talk about. I have settled well in this place and am comfortable with the wird dynamics associated with living in a confined environment with a same set of faces with whom we interact day in and day out.

Learning wise i do not know how much wiser i have become but my emotional quotient has imporved. Some arbit group is selling a strategy at this point of time which is a futile exercise of vocal chords. Sometimes i feel my understanding of things are significantly different from general thought. Maybe i am just plain obstinate. Or maybe i love my ideas too much ...

Aaah well ...... I am definately back now

Another late night verse

2006-05-09T01:34:00.000+05:30

Destiny

Waiting for it to hit me,
Expecting salvation in a jiffy.
I lead my life in this eternal wait,
To realise my purpose before it is too late.

I met him on the lane,
His eyes reflected my pain.
I saw him eager to apprise me,
But my ears wont listen to thee.

It is all around me ,
Telling me what to be.
So many voices in my head ,
Lay incoherent like a salty sweat bead.

Sinking in a quicksand of apprehensions,
In this world full of obligations.
Let me discover my tryst,
Speak to me and free me from this heist.

I am the micro of this universe,
But dont let that be my curse.
Tease me no more my dear destiny,
Turn the corner and embrace my company.

Sriharsh Mallela

not thoroughly satisfied with this , but gives the basic idea ... hmm my new place resolution is to blog ... So will be active from Ahd .. hopefully : )))

Who stole my Sunday?

2006-04-24T02:53:00.000+05:30

Its 3:30 in the morning and i am too bored to sleep. A totally uneventful , useless day where i did not do anything at all . Got up in the morning, did some errands for my mom and then sat with the newspaper for about 2 hours , cleaned my bookshelf which was littered with useless stuff. And then slept a lot in the afternoon. Really dont know what i did throughout the evening except that i just went out for a walk once.

What a way to spend a Sunday. Sundays used to be soo much more eventful when i was younger. Sunday programming on television was also something to look forward to. Remeber watching Mahabharata , Ramayana , Chanakya , Tipu Sultan and many such serials as a kid. Towards my teenage years it was the Bournvita Quiz Contest and cartoons. Then the lunch was always something to look forward too as we sit together as a family and have an idylic chat. Evenings used to be full of fun as i either used to go out with my parents to visit some fun family friends or play with my colony friends. As night approached a sense of gloom usually engulfed me as i thought about going to school the next day. I used to hate school on Mondays. So many times i used to act as if i have stomach pain so that i could escape school that day. Worked a few times before my mom was on to it. Many sunday evenings i have also spent watching movies with my family. Those days simply were so much more fun. The day had a special meaning and feeling attached to it.

Nowadays almost everyday is like a Sunday. I used to wake up at a particular time every sunday as a kid so that i could watch my particular serials. There is nothing to wake up for these days . The day used to feel like a well earned holiday. Used to be my favorite day of the week . Now it doesnt matter which day it is tommorow, it could be thursday for all i care since i dont have anything special to do anyways. My mom used to drag me to the market on this day so that i could carry all the heavy stuff. Used to watch her haggle with all the shopkeepers , pick up vegetables and poultry and learnt quite a bit. My reward for coming with her used to be a bar one. Love that chocolate. In Delhi , a sunday during winters meant that i could stay inside the quilt for as long as i want and it is one of the most relaxing and satisfying feleings in the world. To be warm and comfortable .

Damn this Sunday

Some stupid 'Hell' creating stuff off the net

2006-04-23T21:54:00.000+05:30

General asshats
Circle I Limbo

Hipsters
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Greens
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

The Pope
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Militant Vegans
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Republicans
Circle VII Burning Sands

Scientologists
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

George Bush
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

Written one after a long time.

2006-04-22T13:28:00.000+05:30

Killing Fields

I see blood again and again,
In this world full of pain.
The fabric of morality lays torn asunder,
Hawks of news-gatherers feast on this plunder.

I experience disgust this day and everyday,
From carnality to barbarisation as the world sways.
No relationship thus can be ever consummate,
As destruction is this new world's new fate.

I am blind as i see no reason,
So is this world to the omnipresent treason.
Lies and accusations are our new faith,
The gospel just proclaims the convergence of all possible hate.

I abide my time and await my turn,
Grimacing myself for the scars that the world will burn.
I pray my soul shall never yeild,
And be a part of these mindless killing fields.

Sriharsh Mallela

i love this song

2006-04-22T12:40:00.000+05:30

For You

If you're lost and feeling low,
Circumnavigate the globe,
All you have is hope.

And the way you seem to flow
Circumnavigate the globe,
I never seem to lose control,
With you.

Everyone of us is high,
Everyone of us is low,
Everyone of us is here,
How about you?
Your eyes are closed,
Your head held low,
Your eyes are closed.

Everyone of us is high,
Everyone of us is low,
Everyone of us has hope,
For you. (10 times)

I said it

2006-04-22T00:20:00.000+05:30

Currently i am reading 'The Inscrutable Americans' by Anurag Mathur. Bought it second hand for 40 bucks. Less amount of guilt involved hear. I have lots of pirated stuff though. The thing is if i do not get all this content in the pirated form , i would never have been able to afford it at all. Like for example, the game- Call of Duty- which i picked up from the streets for 100 bucks. The actual MRP of the game wil be anything above Rs. 1500 and if i blow up my fathers money on this he will certainly throw me out of the house.

I read recently in the papers that the BMC has decided to arrange a raid a day to get rid of the pirated CD's menance. When will they ever learn? It is all futile and plain economics is enough to prove that it is futile. There is a voracious demands for such pirated CD's/DVD's. These days a decent DVD player is available in the market for lees than Rs. 3000. Almost every other home is in possesion of one. But their income levels are not high enough that they can buy CD's at their mrp rate. They certainly aint going let their systems rot now, will they?

Moving on, old habits die hard. I still aint studying leaving it for the lastminute. Got no motivation at all this time and i am in my dreamland most of the day. Wonder if this is going to change in anyway whatsoever in the coming few months.

About my future, i have started having doubts about taking up Account Planning as my specialisation. Over the past few days i have researched a lot online about this subject. Have found loads of sites pertaining to it but not a single one could exlain convincingly what the role and responsibility of an account planner is. What i could decipher is that an Accont Planner sits and tries to analyse the creative work and find connections between the work and the TG and recommend whatever is necessary. Now this role is a very intemediary and subjective one. Boundaries are not properly defined and since this discipline has started only about 30 years back no one seems to know what a planner is actually requied to do. If i do not achieve satisfactory clarity on this front in the next few months then this option will be out of the equation.

My mother has already started contemplating how lonely she would be once i go the hostel. I have spent 22 years with my parents and my sudden absence willl be a large void in their lives. India is one of the few countries in the world where the child stays with his/her parents till an average of , i believe at least 20 years. And the bonding too seems to be greater though i am basing this judgement purely on the picture painted about the western world by the media. Wonder whether i will feel homesick.

Gym Gyan

2006-04-20T00:44:00.000+05:30

So i joined a gym. It is going great and all. Within three sessions have lost 2 kilos. The instructors are plain sadists. They just push me from one exercise to the other and for an hour and a half i am exercising almost non stop. But then without any pain i wont be able burn off the layers of fat that i have gathered over the year.

What irritates me though are the posters at this gym. Actually what irritates me are posters in any gym in general. All one sees are posters of muscular guys and a few women flexing every concievable muscle in their body with a big toothy grin. Most of them have impossible bodies sculpted painstakingly by them over a period of many years. Barely 0.1% of the people who go to the gym will ever be able to shape out their body like that . Forget that even the darn instructors are not comparable to the posters. So why exactly do they have these posters around. What does it communicate? To me it says ,' Look here you weener , look at my body , dont salivate or hope. You aint never gonna get the body i have and hence my toothy mocking grin'.

And what the hell is going to the gym about. Presently if one observes the situation in India which has a sizable population of obese people the main motive of going to the gym is to lose weight and not to build up a body. True , there are the occasional bunch whjo go to a gym purely for building up their bodies. at least in the gym i go to i can safely claim that most of them come for weightloss. And what the gym is communicating is that we will make you muscular. Instead why has not any form of gym communication not concentrated on the main aspect of going to the gym. It is not about the body but about the mind. Exercising after a certain point is less about physical effort and more about mental strength. The strenght and the drive required to push oneself towards a certain goal is phenomenal. Very few people manage to do it. So i belive they should be communicating us this aspect. Telling us about how we need to push ourselves mentally. Also show realistic bodies and use indian models.

Another aspect about body building is that i do not consider it to be a sport. Though all the practioners claim about it being a sport but it surely aint. Standing on stage , flexing one's muscles and being judged by a portly politician looking for new recruits to his security team aint exactly a sport. Also by all accounts Body Building is a vain thing to do. In a gym, there are mirrors all over so that one can even watch every little twitch of one's ass in the mirror. totally vain i say. After a good work out one can see people flexing in front of the mirror and checking out their own muscles and maybe show it off to the accidental on looker at the gym.

I am a fucking regular guy

2006-04-20T00:04:00.000+05:30

I get extremely irritated and hate it totally when i hear someone or some organisation claim , ' we are different'. How often do we come across some actor/actress pouting in the most artificial manner and proclaiming that their film is really different and unique. Or have read about how a company has a work ethic or approach totally different than others in the same line. Excepting very few hard to find exceptions most of these claims are pure bullshit and artificial to the core.

Take for instance the news channels, everyone of them are the same in delivery and content. Some lack finesse but the core news is simply market driven as it will be but still everyone claims to be different. Why cant one communicate and say , 'Hey , i am your regular news channel , expect your daily dose of mindless stories and breaking news stories about which saree Jayalalitha wore today. We provide you nothing really special, though will try to make the effort wherever or whenever we can'. What is wrong in accepting the reality and for someone to say that this movie that we have made is your regular average triangular love story with decent songs and predictable ending, hope you enjoy the film.

I hate the attempt to differentiate when none exists and the parity is clear for everyone to see. We have so many ads running on this 'its different' funda that at least i have started since quite some time to reject immediately when a brand tries to communicate and simply say its different from its competitor. I just cant listen to that rant.

All products these days are similar in terms of characteristics. Brand Managers try to bring in the differentiation between products by working on the image of the product. But i beleive with so much clutter prelevant if some brand has the guts to say , ' Fuck off , i aint special or exotic .i am as regular as you can expect and will try my best to solve your problem or fulfill your need'. Sprite uses this approach and it has worked for them.

All the real good ads that i have seen till date, simply claim to try their best at solving your problem or fulfilling our need. The communication is simple and clear and they do not bother of differentiating from their competiton much but instead focus more on communicating what they want to the consumers. I am a believe in simple and clear cut communication and dealing with the lowest denominator.

Personal DNA

2006-04-11T12:15:00.000+05:30

A very interesting personality site. Gives a personal DNA report which is suprisingly accurate on many counts. Not like some other online personality things hich lists out 5 to 6 obvious observations.

http://www.personaldna.com/

apparently i am a generous director....

Guaranteed timepass for 30 minutes plus i love their presenation of the questionnaire.

I am alive

2006-04-11T01:52:00.000+05:30

Inertia is a dangerous state to be in . This blog has been in that state for too long and i am back to revivie. I do not have any reason for not blogging. Shit loads of things have happened this past month and i must admit that all of them have happened for my own good.

Out of the 5 MBA calls that i recieved i managed to convert 4 of them. TAPMI strangely did not even waitlist me even though i did good. But then no regrets at all.. i got into the institute i desired for the past 2 years - MICA.

Persistent hardwork in something you are not really that interested in is always difficult. CAT related studies to a certain extent is interesting but then it really gets on to one's nerves. Also luck plays such a huge factor in this exam that one is really left without any odds to defend. After going through months of preparation. anxiety , planning , anticipation and sheer frustration when suddenly i got the news that i had made it, i felt emptiness. I had no idea how to react.

Now, two weeks hence, things are falling into perspective. There is no better feeling than the feeling of success in a task one has toiled or desired for a very long time. To tell the truth i just managed to apply about 60 % of what i am capable of . But i am still mighty pleased since even this kind of application i rarely achieve.

Our mind is a very funny thing though . Months ago i used to dream that once i get an admit to MICA i would have no other desire in my mind. This aint the case though. I am already thinking about what i will be facing this coming 2 years. I have read and heard from many that getting in is the easy part, surviving in a B-school is the real challenge. 90 students have been selected for the batch of 2006-08 after a long and winding process. The CAT must have made most of them really competitive, it has that effect. To top that there is relative grading, which effectively means that if i get 90/100 in a paper which is good but half the class gets more than that, then i end up with a C grade. So now i am thinking ahead and want to perform well while i am there.

Thinking about it further, this cycle will never stop. I will get placed in hopefully a decent company after 2 years but over there too , the degree wont matter performance will. And so we go on throughout our lives performing to the best we can or at least trying to, in order to fulfil what our heart desires.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In other news , i am joining a gym from tommorow. Finally will start working off some fat. Will keep a watch over my diet too. Had a wonderful time with Sugu last month and will be meeting her hopefully this June again.

Got another bunch of exams coming up, the final semester exams for my diploma in Financial Management. Lots of mugging up to be done, will have to start soon. This course has not been of much use since the teaching really sucked. However i did pick up a few things here and there and might pick up a few more in the coming two weeks. One thing i realised though, all financial investments in share market are speculative in nature and aint really that different from gambling. All the various models of valuation etc can be tweaked and since everything is in numbers , one can mould it to any form and make anything look good or bad. Also i now am 1billion gazillion % sure that i was never ever meant to be a finance guy. It is plain boring to me.

As an afterthought, i am suddenly reminded of this lady i have been seeing regularly on Churchgate station for the past month. She must be living somewhere on the footpath and wanders about in the station aimlessly. Must be between 60 to 70 years of age. She wears a nightgown, a very old and dirty one. The first time i saw her, her nightgown was partially wet , her hair messy and open and she was crying real hard. She looked extremely helpless and was wailing. Crying as if her heart had been broken into a 100 peices. When i saw her that day i felt completely miserable. This nameless wailing woman was one of the most painful sights i have seen in my whoole life. I really do not understand why this moved me soo much as staying in this city I encounter such scenes of povety and misery on a regular basis. But the very first glimpse of her made me think about this woman having a family, maybe she has a son. And that family , maybe that son has abandoned her. She looked so frail and weak hearted, crying with the innocence of a baby. The whole world passed her by but nobody could hear her cry. It was really strange, not even so much as a glance was spared towards the old woman by all who passed her. I stood there transfixed and felt like crying myself. I wondered if i could reduce her misery to a certain extent. But she just kept walking on the platform , her gown wet with water and her face wet with tears. Like all others around her , I too moved on after some time but that image of her is etched in my mind. Started to think how helpless old people are and hoping i would be able to aptly support my parents. I see her on and off at Churchgate station these days. Thankfully i havent seen her cry again. She wears the same gown that is always a little wet and carries a polythene bag with her. i have not seen her beg nor have i seen her with anybody else. Tried making eye contact with her but she is usually in her own world, must be a troubled world and a mind full of broken dreams.

Somehow her image has managed to personify emotional pain in my mind.

God Bless Her.

Mob

2006-03-03T14:02:00.000+05:30

Chants all around, a sea of unidentified faces demonstrating, sticky afternoon heat, sporadic fires at several places and definite cloud of nervousness and tension in the air. Not the type of situation i expected to find myself on an idlylic thursday afternooon. My intention was to reserve ticket for my journey to Banglore and i decided to walk from Marine Lines to CST. Little did i know what i would be witnessing.

Though this was not a riot but it had all the potential to be one. Today's monring paper reported that nearly 1,50,000 people of the muslim community protested the arrival of Bush. My first impression was that it is a protest regarding the cartooning episode. From St Xaviers to reach CST it took me more than an hour to simly wade through the sea of angry protestors.

A hell lot of disturbing questions were raised in my mind during that time. I simply cannot seem to fathom that 1,50,000 young people would actually have no work in life but to raise such a ruckus. It definately was not a peaceful protest , anything that disturbs normal civic life is not peaceful in my opinion. Also i saw a man in a taxi been beaten up for no apparent reason and the taxi damaged a bit. The mob tried to pull the man out and had they succeeded in doing that it would have been the end for him. This happened barely 25 metres from where i was standing and had it not been for some police whistles the situation would have gone out of control. Then i started wondering about what actually motivates the mob, what is the fuel for this engine and it is definately not concern for a cause. I bet half of them do not know anything about George Bush except that he is the president of US and is connected in some way to the war in Iraq. So then i realised the actual motivation for these people. I could see it in their eyes and their body language. It was simply power, they had the power at that point of time to run amok and simply nobody could have stopped them not even the police who were badly outnumbered. The city had to listen to them for those 3 hours of protest. They had the power to bring it to the standstil and whack any layman on the street. This is what everyone in that crowd enjoyed and were motivated by.

As i was approaching this huge crowd , my instincts told me that i could be dangerous and asked me not to venture out. But i simply had to experience this and see how it actually is in such situations. One does not need much to infuriate such a mob and for the situation to go out of control. A small incident is enough to trigger off a massive backlash from the mob. Now i can understand better what it must have been at Babri masjid or during the Bombay riots and more recently the shameful Godhra riots.

To go further i thought about the muslim community as a whole . Such incidents just adds to the image which i and many of my friends share that the community is by nature a vociferous community and also tends to be violent. It is true that much of this image has been wrongly portrayed and is representative of a small minority of this community, but this is the exact image that the western powers use to justify their actions against the Muslim community. And such incidents simply add to this image. What the muslim community needs is a major repositioning exercise and they have to portray themselves in a different light if things are ever to improve.

Old Project

2006-02-22T06:30:00.000+05:30

I found an old project we had in college. It is an analysis of self . This was almost 2 years ago i believe. Have i changed in this span? Not much really .. more or less the same person. Only that now i dont worry how i will be at the fag end of my life.

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SRIHARSH MALLELA
ROLL NO-48

An analysis of self

For many this might be a highly ego boosting assignment. Shall try my best to do justice and not let many biases creep in. Well how does one analyse himself ? It’s a matter of comparisons to gauge the level of the qualities you posses. So I will compare my various attributes with things that are symbolic of those attitudes.

So when I say I am ambitious I would like to compare this attitude with a flying kite. Always trying to rise higher and reach out. That’s how ambitious I am. But then it often happens that the thread breaks and I lose direction and just float away. Herein lies my weak point, even though I am ambitious I tend to lose focus pretty often and lose sight of what I want.

I consider my mouth to be an echoing instrument. Whatever my mind thinks my mouth echoes it out. So this implies I speak my mind and I am a frank and straightforward person. Now this quality does make me appear rude at times but it is an obvious negative of this trait.

I always think that the glass is half full and not half empty. I have a positive attitude something like what the animals have. Animals never get disheartened whatever calamity might strike them. They always pick themselves up and lead their lives in the same rosy way. You may call this perseverance I call it positive attitude. Remorse and regret do not hold my fancy for long.

The mirror is one of the most truthful inventions by Man. You only see what the present reality is and however much you wish the mirror will never change this reality. So you have no option but to accept this reality. This is what I think about physical appearance, I accept the way I am and have no qualms about it. I do not bother much about physical appearance cause you cannot do much to manipulate it.

One of my biggest desires is to be fair to everyone. Hence I try to look at all the points of view and be as fair as possible. The negative aspect of this trait is that in trying to do so I get confused and am not able to decide on the course of action.

I believe that of all the things in the world the only thing constant is change. Everything changes constantly and nothing is permanent be it emotions or inanimate things. So in a sense the only thing permanent in this world is change. I understand that and make an effort of not taking things around me for granted. Though I haven’t been totally successful and do not believe anyone can be but I make an effort.

My biggest fear is at the fag end of my life I should not look back and think that I have not achieved what I could have. I want to fulfill my potential if not fully at least a majority of it.

Of results and stalkers

2006-02-15T23:49:00.000+05:30

Congratulations SRIHARSH from MUMBAI!,

You have been shortlisted for MICAT GD and PI.

Awwww God .. what a long day this has been.. the time now is 12:30 am and now finally i get this message... A whole day obsessing over one result only ..

Had called them twice...and got mixed answers of me being selected according to the lady i spoke to first time.. and rejected according to the man i spoke to the second time. Though he later clarified his statement and i was one big bundle of nerves the whole day long.

At least got the call and must say that i have been extremely lucky ... many people with 98 and 99 percentiles have not got the call. Maybe they were looking at our profile .. but still i dont have a great profile or anything .. whatever it was that clinched the call , i am very grateful.

Now i have my one shot at MICA. 60 seats up for grabs, 2000 applicants called for this phase. A mere .3 percent of the shortlisted applicants will be selected after a MICAT test , a group discussion cum group exercise and a Personal interview.

Its on 24th Feb and that gives me 8 days to do what i can . Going to give it my best darn shot and see what happens.

In other news, the guy who hs been stalking my girl seems to have helped her out since the compartment in which she was in another uncle was trying to get fresh with her , so this guy steps in and puts the uncle in his place. Also he is following her in Delhi too and landed up in a restaurant where she had gone . This combined with my result anxiety and the sleep inducing medicines that i am taking for my cold and cough has seriously fucked up my brain. Hopefully from tommorow things are saner around me, Sugu will be in Shimla with her parents tommorow.

adios

Some useless interesting forward

2006-02-15T00:18:00.000+05:30

Things that make you Mumbaiya

1. You think Chowpatty & Juhu beaches as "nature."
2. You say "town " and expect everyone to know that this means south of Churchgate.
3. You speak in a dialect of Hindi called 'Bambaiya Hindi', which only Bombayites can understand
4. Your door has more than three locks.
5. Rs 500 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.
6. Train timings (9.27, 10.49 etc) are really important events of life.
7. You spend more time each month travelling than you spend at home.
8. You call an 8' x 10' clustered room a Hall.
9. You're paying Rs 10,000 for a 1 room flat, the size of walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal."
10. You have the following sets of friends, school friends, college friends ,neighbourhood friends, office friends and yes, train friends, a species unique only in Bombay.
11. Cabbies and bus conductors think you are from Mars if you call the roads by their Indian name, they are more familiar with Warden Road, Peddar Road, Altamount Road.....
12. Stock market quotes are the only other thing besides cricket which you follow passionately.
13. The first thing that you read in the Times of India is the "Bombay Times" supplement.
14. You take fashion seriously.
15. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
16. Hookers, beggars and the homeless are invisible.
17. You compare Bombay to New York's Manhattan instead of any other cities of India.
18. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
19. You insist on calling CST as VT, and Sahar and Santacruz airports instead of Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport
20. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
21. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.
22. Being truly alone makes you nervous.
23. You love wading through knee deep mucky water in the monsoons, and actually call it 'romantic'.
24. Only in Bombay, you would get Chinese Dosa and Jain Chicken.
25. You call traffic policemen as "Pandus" and expect out-of-towners to understand that.

2006-02-14T01:52:00.000+05:30

Lots of things going on in my head... Another day to go for the MICA calls to be announced.. Got a call from Goa Institue of Management.. a decent coll to do my PG from .. but the big one is still pending i.e MICA .. guess my mind is fucked up coz of that .. since it is something i really want.. and if i get a call .. i am gonna have just one shot to clear it... ooh well life is crazy... so are soo many people in this world .. right now there is a guy stalking my girl.. and i cant do nothing about it .. She is on a train on her way back home and this guy who disclosed his love for her is following her on the same train all the way to Delhi.. talk about obsession...I am worried .. since if the guy is obsessed enough to follow her for about a 1000 odd kms then he can do some serious damage too.. Bastard would have been in serious trouble if i could get my hands on him.. i am very possessive and selfish about her and normal people confessing their love for her makes me jealous and now i have this guy following her and stalking her..It is quite maddening... This is the only time i regret the distance between us ... since it makes me feel helpless....

God Bless Her

...........

2006-02-11T00:52:00.000+05:30

I just typed a paragraph and then deleted it . I did this two times already. Will this para be a third time? I feel like questioning......myself, the world, anyone for that matter... but i also know the answer wont satisfy me. Nothing will. Humans are not designed to be satisfied. We seem to be the only animals on this planet who do not function primarily by instincts but search for a logic. But what if this logic does not strike us. Then whatever we do without this inherent sense of logic , soon appears to be logical to us and we go about this chore in a mechanical manner. Convincing ourselves by saying that hey so many people are doing the same thing so there must be some logic to it. But that is precisely what the other people are thinking too.

Is there any reprive from this situation? Will mere realisation of this situation enough for freedom from this dogma? Am i asking too many questions? A code of conduct , mostly devised and refined by some very clever men , inorder to control and gain power over fellow humans governs the modern civil society. But occassionally our true nature comes out and we get a peak on to our other side... full of extreme emotions of jealousy, love , hatred and intended violence. So is essentially everyone a loner at heart?

What if we dont want to make the best of what we get and want what is not supposedly ours ? What if i want immortality or wisdom to understand? Who decided the restrictions .. mere biological factors, supernatural factors or are we plain stupid and aint thinking right?

Whom should i respect? Do i really need to........

Forward

2006-02-07T11:48:00.000+05:30

An engaging forward that makes for a fun read.

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

And here is a law that i learnt while studying in BMM ( Bachelors of Mass Media).

LAW OF DEADLINES : Whenever there is a deadline approaching, something will go wrong that will make the deadline a race to the very last second.
In other words, ' Kuch Galat Hoke Rahega'.

And it is in such moments of desperation that our minds become extremly creative and there have been moments where my group has literally hoodwinked the whole class. Won't go into the details though...

Walk

2006-02-06T14:38:00.000+05:30

2 plates Medu Wada - Rs. 28
1 ticket to V.T Station - Rs 8
1 call to Girlfriend- Rs 9
1 mammoth glass of Sugarcane juice- Rs 6
Bunking a GD/PI class where people talk nonsense and going to visit the Gateway of India and Victoria Memorial Meusem - Priceless

Sudden urge to simply break the grind took over my senses yesterday. As i was walking towards my class at around 9 . 45 am , i was seriously hating the fact that i had to sit for about 4 hours arguing with people on some lame topic. And then suddenly i had this urge to eat Medu Wada , so off i went to an Udipi restaurant and finished off two plates of hot and steamy Medu Wada. Now fully content and stomach full , i dropped the idea of going to class and felt that i want to go somewhere where there is less crowd and more space. So i decided that i shall go to V.T and have a nice long walk to Gateway as on sundays this area is nice , serene and very pictureresque...So i reached there and slowly walked down the empty lanes with a few hawkers here and there observing various murals on the old structures that make up this place. I noticed two faces on the VT station building, wonder who they belong too. there were loads of foreigners negotiating with hawkers, the weather was pleasant and with minimal traffic around the roads looked beautiful.

This walk was soo much better than geting cramped up in a small room having heated arguements with a bunch of people that would eventually lead no where. It was a nice way to relax and gather my thoughts as i have very important few weeks coming up. The sea looked good as usual when i reached Gateway but the sun had reached its afternoon peak by the time i reached there and there wasn't enough breeze blowing. so i decided to retreat to a cooler place. Kala Ghoda Art festival was on nearby but did not feel like visitng it as it is held on the streets and i wanted some shade. So decided to visit the Victoria Memorial Mueseum now known as Chatrapati Shivaji mueseum. Got myself a ticket and went in and thoroughly enjoyed the poace. Especially the Natural History section as i saw an embalmed King Cobra there. They do look majestic. Also saw the Kashmir stag which is taller than me and so was the Swamp deer. Also the Himalayan Bearded Vulture is the fiercest looking bird i have seen in my life. The Art gallery was closed so could see that but had a nice time checking out the weapons that are displayed there. The whole of Akbars armoury can be seen . I was trying to imagine the wars of those days where one to one combat was essential and the skills and the stenght of the warriors were put to test unlike the wars of the present age. We have such a rich history and culture but we are not able to respect it enough mostly due to the fact that hardly any one of us is aware of it other than the historians. I used to love reading History in school but used to hate writing the exams which required one to simply mug up and vomit. The subject needs to be treated in a much different manner where the student needs to understand the choices the various historical characters had and the reason they chose to behave in the way they did and what would have happened if they had taken some other option.

So i spent my time here till it was time to return home, observed a few paintings on the street put up by the Kala Ghoda people, some play was going on but looked boring so i wnet back to Churchgate station. On the way had this huge glass of sugarcane juice which i actually could not even finish and then had a nice train ride back home.

It is tough being my girlfriend

2006-02-04T00:44:00.000+05:30

Not that i am a psychotic stalker or am as possesive as Sonia Gandhi is of her sari , i can still be a pain in the ass boyfriend. So my girl has to be a little extra special with the extra bit of will power to have been able to carry on with me for over two and a half years. In any relationship things change after the initial year or so as people start taking each other totally granted.... I started doing that much earlier with her. Then my idea of romance aint exactly the Romeo Juliet kinds... I sing to her ( which in itself is a bad thing as i sound like Oprah Winfrey with a bad cold) songs in Punjabi that i download off the net. It is real fun though but i can imagine how thoroughly unromantic that can be. Also i imitate or talk to her in various kinds of accents right from gujrathi to italian.

The most difficult thing about me is that i am oblivious to a lot of things that happens to her and in her life. Even though she tells me every detail of anything that happens with her , i consciously manage to register very few things... rest all go over my head and i know this can be very irritating since even i get very irritated if i come across such a person myself. Not that i am a bad listener, i listen to everything but am very opinionated and hardly ever give her a chance to have her say and usually somehow end up either convincing her or forcing her to see my way. Can be really domineering and stubborn sometimes.

The coup de resistance of all irritating activities of mine is my teasing ability. I seriously can go on and on teasing someone on the same topic for days on end. I call her a Sardarni which she absolutely hates for reasons known only to her and then tease her on the same thing for days on end...Hmm and then are bunch loads of other things i tease her about. So you see in short i am a lazy, oblivious, biased and irritating boyfriend......And ohh yah before i forget , the following is a random non sensical verse i coined for her today....

Saajan Chale Sasuraal,
Lal Lal Tere Gaal,
Sundar Sundar Tere Bal,
Behki Behki Teri Chaal,
Kya Cheez Hai Tu Kamaal.

Adios

P.S : Please do not complain to the Human Rights Commission readers....
P.S ( Part 2) : The photo has no relevance to the subject.
P. S (Part 3) : I guess i am hallucinating
P.S ( Part 4) : I told you i can go on and on about the same topic..

2006-02-03T01:17:00.001+05:30

Just bought this book today.... Took me 45 minutes just to read the preface.. It is a collection of essays by Amartya Sen , about 16 in number in which he discusses various varied topics. Started reading the first essay and he begins by stating the argumentative nature of Indians and the natural flair that we possess in loquacity. An Indian, namely Krishna menon holds a world record for the longest speech ever. This happened in a United nations Conference in which Krishna Menon gave a speech for 9 hours. This record has never been broken till now .....So with this book in hand , i am going to snuggle off to bed and read till i fall asleep....Good Night Folks ...

Agla Car Kaunsa????

2006-02-02T23:16:00.000+05:30

Me and my father are currently on the lookout for a new car and ater 2 weeks of looking at all possible cars withing our price range bracket we have narrowed down the choice to 2 cars.. but before i reveal the identity of the 2 shortlisted cars let us pay aideu to the car which came very close to making the shortlist. Yes , ladies and ladlas it is none other that Octavia. Put up quite a fight with its unique features and attributes.....

But it lost out on one crucial factor, the back seat. It simply aint comfortable enough though it is a hell of a driving machine and one feels really safe in the car as it simply feels strong.

The other cars we surveyed were Toyota Corrolla , Honda City and Accord, Ford Fiesta and Ford Mondeo. Moving on to the two cars we shortlisted.......

With a very sleek look and feel look for it , our first car comes from the stables of General Motors. This snazzy thing has a 1799 cc petrol engine with 115 bhp of raw power and will go from 0 to 100 in 11.11 secs. This classy beast goes by the name of Chevrolet Optra....

Lookwise the car is really grand and also is extremely comfortable. It has all the jazz that comes along with cars these days .....

Next in line , is the car that i feel should win the race. This car has blown me away. I just saw it today and it has really caught on to my imagination. It has every feature one looks for in cars that are needed for Indian roads. A complete car according to me. Extremely impressive styling and ultra comfortable interior are the first things that you notice about this car...The car has been launched recently on 19th January.. It is the Mitsubishi Cedia...

Mitsubishi Cedia
Totally Alive

I love the tagline and though i do not remeber the copy buit it was very good. Now for the specifics

ENGINE
Type	4 Cylinder, ln-line, 16 Valve SOHC
Displacement	1999 cc
Fuel type	Unleaded Petrol
Max Output	115 PS @ 5250 rpm
Max Torque	175 Nm @ 4250 rpm
Fuel Supply System	ECI-MULTI (Electronically controlled multi-point fuel injection)
Tank Capacity	50 Ltr.

So not only does this car have the looks but also enough punch under its hood to give you the perfect ride. Clearly i am biased towards this car but the only prob being is it is slightly out of budget. So if that is worked out then i guess this is definately going to be my next family car or otherwise it is the Optra....

Verse

2006-02-02T01:47:00.000+05:30

A beautiful poem by John Clare, there are times in life when everyone feels this way, though this is not my current mental state. I generally do not read poems but today i just stumbled upon a site and thoroughly enjoyed reading them. This also reminded me that i had not written a poem in quite some time. Used to write quite a few of them before as an hobby but now i guess i have lost the habit. The thing about poems i love is that , unlike a story a poem will mean something different for every person that reads it. It is subject to everyone's intepretation and experience. Thus any poem written by any person can have lots of significance and the writer might not even know about it .

I Am

by John Clare

I am: yet what I am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost;
I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost;
And yet I am, and live with shadows tost

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;
And e'en the dearest - that I loved the best -
Are strange - nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man has never trod,
A place where woman never smiled or wept;
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie,
The grass below - above the vaulted sky.

--------------------------------------------------

I remember this poem very well. Had it in school and thoroughly loved it . I guess we had to learn it by heart and i remember my teacher took 2 days to explain it to the whole class line by line. I loved those school days especialy the 6th and 7th Stds. The innocence was still there and used to love being tucked in bed on a rainy day with an Enid blyton or Hardy boys book in hand.

Daffodils

by William Wordsworth

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the Milky Way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of the bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed - and gazed - but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

------------------------------------------------

Another classic by William Wordsworth , having lived in a city my whole life and in a city like Mumbai being close to nature is an apparation. My dream house is a house in the hills surrounded by unpopulated hills lush and green with little streams to wade through and mud paths to travel upon. The house should look down upon a valley and it should snow occasionally in the winters. Someday i might be able to own such a house.....

The world is too much with us

by William Wordsworth

The world is too much with us ; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers :
Little we see in Nature that is ours ;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon !
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon ;
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers ;
For this, for everything, we are out of tune ;
It moves us not. – Great God ! I’d rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn ;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn ;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea ;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathèd horn.

------------------------------------------------------------

A fresh bout of energy

2006-01-28T00:41:00.000+05:30

I have spent the better part of this week canoodling with my girl. There was nothing else on my mind but her and that helped me a lot. All my worries and problems became non existent and spent a few good dream like days with her . I really cherish the time i spend with her which is very minimal in the first place. I feel totally revitalized after this and feel that i have enough in me to take on this whole world. Life simply seems so beautiful when one is in an optimistic mood. It makes me want to do everything i can in the limited time i will be spending on this earth. Our relationship has now crossed 2 and a half years and often i find my friends wondering how i could be serious in a relationship. In college i was one of the most flirtatious guys around , though i believe i never really flirted in the true sense of the term , it was more of a good natured , no strings attached type of flirting. I am very serious about her and will get hitched with her . One of my friends once asked me about how i knew that she is the one. Frankly i really dont know and it really does not matter. Love in todays context is overhyped and the true meaning of it is rarely captured. Like everything it has been heavily commercialised and losing its innocence. But the best things about being in love are the simple things and it is these simple moments that i spent with her that has given me this fresh lease of energy which i badly needed. Thanks to Karishma in whose empty house we stayed and to all my friends namely Sriram, Nikhil, Tejas and Yash and imaginary friends namely Kunal, Kanika and Varsha who accompanied me on my imaginary trip to Pune where we stayed at Aundh Road and went to a disc called Xion and ate at a restaurant called Shukriya.

I also got the good news this week that i have been shortlisted for GD/PI at TAPMI and Nirma institue of management. Now waiting for the big one which is MICA that is expected during the first week of febuary. The only sad part is that my friend Karishma who did better than me in CAT could not get through since she her percentile in maths was not upto the cut off level in both these colleges. But both of us are surely in contention of a MICA call since they just see the overall percentile and hopefully we will end up doing our MBA's from MICA...That reminds me, the MICA placements for this year are done and they have notched an average salary of 6.2 lakhs per annum and for the first time there were international placements in a brand consultancy firm in Dubai. I do hope that this trend continues in case i manage to land up in this college as i want to take up Brand Communications as my specialisation.

Got to get some real thinking and studying done for the GD/PI's which are fast approaching. After all this hard work i do not want to stumble over the last hurdle.

Recently i have stumbled upon the website of an advertising agency and suddenly i really feel that i want to work there. Maybe someday in the future i would be able to work in that agency. The agency name is Strawberryfrog, a very wierd name but a nice little philosophy. http://www.strawberryfrog.com/sf/

cheers

Intoxicated Musings

2006-01-19T01:56:00.000+05:30

18 days have passed since New Years and i have been wanting to write this post ever since. This is about my loud mouth during New year's . The prophetic sayings that emancipated out of my alcohol drenched lips were the product of millions of years of evolution . Albert Einstein once noted, "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former". I was the shining example of human stupidity induced by vodka that night. Thanks to jaundice i really did not have much opportunity to drink much last year and New Year's was the night i was getting reacquainted with vodka after a long time. So the utter garbage that i uttered were the product of three glasses of vodka which i usually prepare in the ratio of 2:1 in favour of the vodka. I do not remeber a lot of things that night but the following is a classic that i told my friend Rithika......

' I do not know how to swim. But i am an excellent deep sea diver. Once when i was diving deep in the ocean, i came across a porcupine. The porcupine had headlights and it used the headlights to signal and converse with me in morse code. The porcupine told me that i am an excellent diver'.

Man!!! I really dont know how i ever managed to say something like that. But this is just the tip of the ice berg .. i actually was constantly harping on having or telling others to have Korean Brinzal and African Prawns. Also i expressed my desire to join the navy and kill a Cuban. I must iterate at this point i have no such hidden desires and think Fidel Castro is a great chum of a guy , i especially like the cap he wears. Also i realised that i could never be the foreign minister or ambassdor of India for if i get drunk in a party i might just end up abusing the french president like i did that night. Jacques Chirac would have never heard his name pronounced like the way i did that night , like a sexed up Bangladeshi Cab driver. Also i did accuse him on some homosexual grounds and made fun of him being bald. Well if he wants to extract some revenge then i would advise him to wait for another 10 years till i tun bald and then he can have his fun. There are some other things i did that night but memory fails me.

Oooh yes !! I did have a nice finale lined up though . Towards the end i do remember 'singing' (for want of a better adjective to describe my way of singing, may be moaning will be more appropriate) 'My Humps, My Humps . My ladylike lumps', over and over again.

Remeber all this is on tape , courtesy of my friend Rithika and i assure full stimulation of your laughter muscles in case someone wants to purhase it. I am willing to sell this obscene tape at an obscene amount. Any rich arab weeners reading this post?????

P.S: Do read my close friend Sriram aka Heyz's post , 'Bald Frog with a wig', a perfect example of the kind of company i used to keep during my college days and hence explains part of my craziness...The college life was amazing since for the first time in my life i actually met people with whom i could connect totally..:)))

http://03121984.blogspot.com/

Gujju Ahoy

2006-01-17T00:28:00.000+05:30

So there i was ambling along the road from KC college to the station along with my classmates who never stop speaking in gujrati. I do not understand this language though can follow it in bits and pieces. So usually when they chatter amongst themselves in guju toungue i drift off with my own thoughts. And as i was busy thinking about pratically nothing, my intense thought process was jolted by a slap on my back. He was one of my gujju clasmates who thumped me on my back and congratulated me , as if he had known me since ages and had changed my diapers, on my performance in CAT. And the whole group started to pester me for a treat and i assured them that it would be due once i get a final call from somewhere. At this juncture the back thumper told me that i could give one right now and he would lend me the money if i don't have any and would charge half the interest rates the banks charged. Though he told this jokingly , i am sure the conditions would have applied if i had actually taken some monye from him.

This little anecdote is just to highlight the commercial instinct of the Gujrati community which is simply great. I guess after Mom and Dad, 'Profit' is the word the young of the community learn first. Every single Gujrati i have known has always looked to invest somewhere and improve his financial standing. This community is responsible for the growth of the Indian capital markets. Just like the Jews who are the worlds best bankers , the Gujrati community has to be the most capitalistic and profit oriented community in the world. It is just in their blood.

In contrast i am a south Indian and people from my part of the country are not known for outr buisness skills. One can argue that Narayan Murthy is a big buisnessman but i really dont think he fought too many odds and set up what he has right now. I am not undermining his performance in any way , he has done a great thing but more because he was there at the right place at the right time. Contrast his style of functioning to that of the Ambanis and one can clearly see the demarcation in their leadership styles. The Ambanis advocate extreme capitalism whereas Infosys is more about socialist capitalism. My friend Srinath who is doing his masters in london went there along with a gujrathi friend of his to study. And that guy is more busy worrying aboput recovering his investment than studying and is doing two jobs and placing bets on football matches. At this rate he will break even, end up with a degree and mostly come back to India after making a decent profit. Even at the finance diploma classes i attend, students from this communtiy spend a majority of their converstaions discussing about investments , shares and company performance.

Ahh well in the end at least i know whom to approach next time i need a loan......
P.S. - Gujju girls are hot... err so are Punju girls...:))))

The King's Shadow

2006-01-16T00:59:00.000+05:30

Today was the last exam of my MBA season .. Now I have to just sit back and wait for the GD/PI calls. And as I sat back and idled about in gay abandon I came across this show on Animal Planet where the host goes in search of the King Cobra in the Indian Jungles. The largest venomous snake in the world with an average length of around 16 feet and is known to grow upto 24 feet. I am a real wussie when it comes to snakes and they thoroughly petrify me. Guess that's the reason I am thoroughly fascinated by them. I have watched a hell lot of shows on snakes and think they are wonderful creatures.

About the King Cobra the story goes... ( Mind you , do not confuse the King with a normal cobra which is much smaller in length , by small I mean about 7 to 8 feet )
There are two marks behind the King Cobra which look like eyes and it is said that once when Gautam Buddha was meditating a King Cobra raised its hood and provided him shade from the sun. Buddha was pleased when he realised that and touched the King on its head and hence the marks. The amazing part of this snake is that it is not aggressive like other snakes and is very calm and collected. It retaliates only when someone tries to touch it or comes near its nest. In normal circumstances it will simply glide by your feet showing no interest in your presence though if that actually happens with me I am sure I would have peed in my pants at the sight of a 16 foot long snake . The amazing part of this snake , as you can see in the picture , is it can stand upto 1/3rd of its body length and look you straight in the eye and if need be can move ahead in the same position. A snake that long is enough to strike fear in any person's heart but to have the snake stand and look you in the eye is pure torture. One bite from this snake has enough venom to kill 20 people or an elephant.

Now for the people thinking that I have lost it , it is just not the snake that fascinates me . It is its appearance and confidence. Just look into the eyes of the snake in the picture and tell me how long can you gaze at it without feeling a chill run down your spine. You know that you can't mess with it just by the look in its eyes, forget the remaining 16 feet of the body. This is what I call POWER and there are a few of us who have eyes like that , full of confidence and desire. This made me wonder how this creature can have so much cocky confidence and the reason is simply that it has fully evolved and is capable of exploiting its poisonous venom. So in a similar fashion the day we realize what a truly wonderful machine we are and what untold capabilities we have , is the day we step out of the King's shadow.

(I ain't the only one inspired by the King Cobra.. This is a yoga posture known as King Cobra)

2006-01-06T22:40:00.000+05:30

95.15
Yeah baby
The Wall Exits No More

Invisible wall

2006-01-05T07:39:00.000+05:30

This is what it feels like now .. an invisible barricade ahead of me .. and dunno what went wrong.......

The heartbreak continues....

2006-01-04T00:26:00.000+05:30

Today the NM results came .... though not officially released...got through a hacked link ...and i did not make it . Extremely hard to digest this more so the fact that i have actually scored less than last year..no idea how that happened . I hope this does not set the tone for the remainder of the week since i have CAT results on friday and SNAP on saturday. If i do not land up anywhere decent even this year then will go for my third attempt along with a job ..... i hope i am able to avoid that situation though.....

Zilch

2006-01-03T00:45:00.000+05:30

So i have been out of action for a while now , it aint because i had no desire to post but simply cause of the darn inefficiency of MTNL ( my ISP) which disconected my phone for no rhyme or reason. But today i myself feel a little disconnected....did not make it to any IIM, not that i was expectant but somehow it pinches.

Rant

2005-12-20T00:40:00.000+05:30

Satisfaction is a wonderful feeling and i have got big doses of this feeling over the past few days. I have been doing suprisingly well in my Finanace course where i though my doing well was as remote as Atal Behari Vajpayee losing his bachelorhood. Well Atal is still a bachelor but me now sure of getting this diploma. And to add to that i had a very satisfying and moral boosting SNAP ( admission test to Sybiosis too). Two more exams to go this week then i start preparing for the real big ones, but that another story.

So i just felt like not studying at this moment and write. But then i am simply rambling without any purpose. I am must be sounding a bit like George Bush when he talks about World peace even though he has no idea what he is speacking about. I often wondered whether i would become a politician. I would definately enjoy the power that comes along with it . Power also has this capacity to make you rich which is an added benefit. Intellectually it may seem to be downgrading but dont be mistaken , i can hardly think about any other professions that offer such intellectual challenge. Also primarily a politician is concerned with developing inter personal relationshipos which i cherish. However there is only one thing that will get me into politics and that is if the middle class start getting active in politics. whenever this votebank becomes active is going to change the face of Indian politics. Unfortunately i do not see this happening. So i wont crib about Indian politics and the charlatan politician since i do not take part in the process.

But then sometimes my parents say why dont you give the civil services exam. Again i am choosy in life and the only government civil servant post that interests me is that of a foreign ambassdor which i see dominated with men old enough to have seen World War 1. I do not have the patience to wait for my knees to go weak.

Ahh well now for the moral of this rant. Do not read posts that has the word rant as the subject .. mostly i wont make any sense.

Bye

And ooh yah the picture has go nothing to do with this post , though the whole world knows he is in Pakistan.

Taxing Times

2005-12-16T23:42:00.000+05:30

Tommorow is my Tax paper and hence the cliched title of my post. Had my financial management paper which suprisingly went well and can expect anything above 80% in this paper. Ahh but tommorows paper is a totally different story. Tax is full of dry facts which would make watching Bill Gates counting all his money look interesting. And i have not yet started the damn thing.. :(((
Well sometimes i wish i could still be a careless kid catching ants and trying to make them swim. Used to derive pleasure out of that activity when i was a kid though i have no idea why. Well this leads me to a comment of George Costanza on the Jerry seinfeld show:

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no reponsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last 9 months floating... then you finish of as an orgasm !!! Amen"

Whoever wrote this is brilliant. What a take on life. Anyways my happiness is getting taxed at its source so i have to file my TDS returns not to forget the additional surcharge that has been levied on my sleep due to all this. God i want a rebate

cheers

The way i waste my time

2005-12-14T12:36:00.000+05:30

As mentioned earlier i have not been studying instead trying to find out from which angle do i resemble Abhishek Bachchan the most. His cool dude act in Bluffmaster has me floored. Mind you i am not gay , he is just a phenomenon called Abhishek Bachchan who has brought oodles of attitude with him which simply makes me curious and wonder how the hell does he do it. He aint drop dead good looking but i swear by the street dog that once tried to mount me show me a girl who can resist him and i will run naked in Wankhede stadium.

Ahh well this is not the only thing i have been doing but rather went about surfing bizzare and interesting sites . Have your pick.

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1. All those who are in a relationship would absolutely love this site even though this is about a english man and a german girl. The guy lists out all the things they fight over about. absolutely hilarious.

http://mil-millington.com/

2. Then we have the cost of having sex with girlfriend or wife calculator.

http://www.costofsex.com/

3. The first thing that came to my mind after seeing this site is Laloo Prasad Yadav, the indian politician who holds the world record of having hair pop out of maximum number of wierd places. See the link and you will understand :)))

http://www.nobodyhere.com/justme/nose.here

4. A listing about the distinct characteristics of numbers from 1 to 9999. Very interesting if you like number theory.

http://www.stetson.edu/~efriedma/numbers.html

5. This one takes the cake, a site dedicated to destroying the earth. And mind you it is all scientific with highly accurate and precise data and statistics . For example,

Current Earth-destruction Status

number of times the Earth has been destroyed: 0

Information courtesy of the International Earth-Destruction Advisory Board

And here is the preamble

Preamble

Destroying the Earth is harder than you may have been led to believe.

You've seen the action movies where the bad guy threatens to destroy the Earth. You've heard people on the news claiming that the next nuclear war or cutting down rainforests or persisting in releasing hideous quantities of pollution into the atmosphere threatens to end the world.

Fools.

The Earth was built to last. It is a 4,550,000,000-year-old, 5,973,600,000,000,000,000,000-tonne ball of iron. It has taken more devastating asteroid hits in its lifetime than you've had hot dinners, and lo, it still orbits merrily. So my first piece of advice to you, dear would-be Earth-destroyer, is: do NOT think this will be easy.

This is not a guide for wusses whose aim is merely to wipe out humanity. I (Sam Hughes) can in no way guarantee the complete extinction of the human race via any of these methods, real or imaginary. Humanity is wily and resourceful, and many of the methods outlined below will take many years to even become available, let alone implement, by which time mankind may well have spread to other planets; indeed, other star systems. If total human genocide is your ultimate goal, you are reading the wrong document. There are far more efficient ways of doing this, many which are available and feasible RIGHT NOW. Nor is this a guide for those wanting to annihilate everything from single-celled life upwards, render Earth uninhabitable or simply conquer it. These are trivial goals in comparison.

This is a guide for those who do not want the Earth to be there anymore.

http://ned.ucam.org/~sdh31/misc/destroy.html

6. What do you get when you put four creatures that look like horses near a fence????? The oppurtunity to conjure up a tune! Check it out

http://svt.se/hogafflahage/hogafflaHage_site/Kor/hestekor.swf

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A dog chasing a car seems to be more productive , at least the dog is getting some exercise. So whoever reads this post please do pray that i get into a more serious mood soon enough .

cheers

Cant study !!!!!

2005-12-13T22:45:00.000+05:30

What do i do ??? I have my financial management exams this week and i am as interested as Navjot Sidhu will be in becoming a mime. The problem is there are two subjects which are as uninteresting as watching a water droplet evaporate. I am tryiog to force myself to study these two subjects of Financial Management and Managerial Accounting. The remaining three subjects are interesting enough so not too much bothered about them and also in these three subjects we had projects so managed to cover up half the marks required to pass. But the other two papers are 100 marks each . The problem is i do not have enough knowledge to even bluff my way though these papers. So now i am sitting and simply staring blankly at my books and am chewing on my third pencil . God alone knows what is gonna happen.

In other news i have given my IIFT admit card to the bhel puri wala along with the prospectus. The results were announced yesterday and did not get through. More hopeful about NM but with dunno what is in store. I will never forget this b-school enterance period of my life, never struggled so much for anything else in life. Am used to getting whatever i want with little hardwork but for the first time in my life i am actually slogging though still not even upto 50 % of my capacity . Lack of focus has always been my bane when it comes to studies, however give me a project or any other practical work to do and i do it with all my heart. Aah well at least i dont stop trying, so im off for another attempt at decoding those weirdly bunched up together letters and alphabets.

adios

P.S: Very soon me coming up a with a list of resolutions for the month . Whether i follow it or not only nostradamus knows.....

2005-12-12T12:38:00.000+05:30

I aint really the creative kind but do have some odd ideas now and then. This is one of the few which i actually executed.

cheers

IF

2005-12-10T23:04:00.000+05:30

Really love this poem, difficult to imbibe but ceratainly not impossible. Will be blogging sparingly over the next 10 days, till then enjoy the poem :))

[IF]

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Crash

2005-12-05T12:44:00.000+05:30

Well i had written a post and deleted it entirely. I do not even now why i want to title this post crash, but somehow it sounded right. Havent posted for a long time , did not know what to blog about. Should i blog about the growing disinterest to return to my books or two very boring but successful presentations i made in my Financial management class. After the IIFT exam i have simply let go and have not been doing anything , just whiling my time away. Coming sunday i have my NMIMS test which is something i really should be cracking. Slowly trying to reaccess my situation today and get back into the groove.
cheers

Aloha

2005-11-30T12:49:00.000+05:30

Today is another easy relaxed day for me. Basically involved in accuring data and trying to form a plan of action on how to approach the other exams. After the CAT fiasco and IIFT being ambiguous want to make sure things fall in place for the remaining exams. The next exam on the B-school calander is that of NMIMS. Not a place i would ideally would like to be, but it is a good safety school.

Watched every ball of the match yesterday and it is simply great to see the Indian team playing well. Its amazing what cricket can do to the whole morale of the country. I seriously think if the team continues to develop in this manner for the next year, we will have a great chance of winning the World Cup in 2007 whcin hopefully i would be watching in the confines of a leading b-school hostel.

Got nothing substantial to add at this point of time but i must say i am enjoying this blogging experience. It gets me to structure my thoughts which generally are always in a tizzy.

Will edit and add in the night after i return from my Financial Derivatives class. I love that subject :))) Will start reading ' The world is flat' by Thomas Friedman which i believe deals with globalization and its inherent complexities- a subject that really interest me.

So now i have returned from my class and was reading the book in the train. Well till now he has spoken of things that i know of so hopefully it will get more interesting later on. But it definately got me thinking about India's position in the world economy in the next 20 years and beyond. People have taken it for granted that we will continue to prosper since all signs lead to that conclusion. Agreed on that account but the country will find it very difficult to sustain this growth. First and foremost , India has to invest massively in the infrastructure sector. People have enough money to buy a car but no proper road to drive on, enough money for all possible electrical appliances but many cities in the country face the problem of powercuts, enough money for a proper education but hardly enough quality school or colleges and the foremost need is proper infrastuctural planning in the developing cities of the country.

Now the most important thing according to me , is education. India can never be a manufacturing giant like China simply because an average Indian is enamoured by the concept of being a 'learned man' and always has an opinon. Opinions count for zilch in a manufacturing process. Also the average Indian loves to advice and is a problem solver. No one is ever short on advice or opinions in this country. Thus we have the potential of becoming the problem solvers of the world. Currently the IT industry and the BPO industry which is leading the Indian economic boom is doing exactly that. We have a huge pool of educated mass from which these industries extract talent and then cater to the world. So it becomes very important that this pool does not dry up and thus this sector should have a really large investment. The current rate of litracy in the country is 65.38 % . Now this figure looks very impressive when you realise that out of over a billion people almost 700 million + are educated. But then if one observes closely majority of these 700 million + literates are functional literates i.e at best they know how to sign ther names and maybe read the morning newspaper. Though it is commendable that the literacy rate has increased from a mere 18 % in 1951, it is high time the government starts focussing on improving the quality of this education. At the secondary level , more specialised streams should be made available to the public as that will break the traditional craze of engineering and medicine. These sectors are already doing well and will always do well in India. But if we really want to leverage our position we need to postion ourselves as the knowledge economy and infiltrate all streams where the application of pure knowledge and brainpower is necessary. Our strenght lies in our thinking capabilities and also we are more conditioned to stress compared to the western countries. So we need to back our strength.

If the country does not adopt this outlook then we will simply remain in the same way, always labelled as a developing economy and country. Now is our chance to move up the ladder so we better be sure of our footing or we shall come tumbling down

cheers

Halo People

2005-11-29T00:44:00.000+05:30

Gore is good, only from the gaming perspective. Thats exactly what i have been indulging in since yesterday. My fingers are sore and i have finished playing HALO, shooting shit loads of aliens. Man.. it is really a stress reliever. After CAT i had no respite and had to get into the groove for IIFT, which was a weird exam. I hate such exams where you really cant say whether you performed well or not . And then to add to a wierd paper, there were some quant answers which did not have the correct option amongst the answer. It is highly irritating when you solve a math prob perfectly only to find that answer option missing and mind you i have rechecked and got it confirmed from many sources.
Another irritating thing, the dumb fuck organisers of the exam did not think it necessary to have seals on the question papers. So this resulted in a situation where people went through the paper 5 minutes before the start. Mind you five minutes in such a exam is all you need for that elusive call. Before someone starts saying Hail Mary, hold on to the vocal cords, i have not described what i meant when i said it was a wierd paper. In english , we were given words and expected to find out where the words originated from - Latin, Greek , Spanish,etc....Also there were perfectly archiac sounding words which made up for the rest of the verbal section. The quant section had a lot of calculus and trigo . DI and RC sections were the only decent ones for me, GK was pure luck. Overall out 185 questions , i ended up attempting 90 in 2 hours. I am hoping my accuracy rate is good.
So once i returned home after giving this exam, i suddenly felt very tired and i knew i had to destress and so decided to take yesterday and today off. From tommorow will be back to the grind , since i really want to perform well in XAT and FMS exams which will be held in January.
Adios

Exam Fever

2005-11-26T13:38:00.000+05:30

Tommorow is my IIFT exam..... bring it on i say...

One of those days

2005-11-25T14:40:00.000+05:30

There are somedays when you simply know things are not going to go right. You wake up and then long for the day to get over soon . Well today i just had the feeling that things are going to go wrong somehow, though every task i was supposed to do appeared straightforward. So around 11 i sat down thinking of what to write in my SOP for my admission form to FMS. I was in no mood to write it though since everyone bullshits in an SOP and it serves no purpose except testing how flowery your writing style is. Simple straight forward honesty like- "Dude, i need to do a PG . Without it there is no scope in this country. Also i want you to place my ass in some comfortable chair in a multinational company. Thats why i need to get into your college" - just doesnt cut the cake. So there i was staring at a peice of paper with enough space for about 200 words in which i had to describe my career goals and how FMS fits into these plans.

After much pondering i managed to key in 123 words and kept my SOP as straightforward and to the point as possible. I thought that my work was done. All i needed now is an attestation by a Gazzetted officer. Thought i would pay a visit to my neighbourhood Police Station. Afterall they are meant for our protection and service. So i landed up there , form in hand and some money incase i needed to bribe my way through. But the inspector totally refused to sign stating that he could not ascertain whether i was the same person in the photograph and whether my name was the same. I showed him my drivers licence too. But what the heck, he must have thought i am Abu Salem's protege and can forge all possible documents. Even though i have a prominent stubble , i in no way appear dangerous or antisocial. So after amusing himself with my presence for another 10 minutes he told me he could not do anything. So off i went towards the station to find an advocate. But even after an hour of futile searching i could not find any , i seriously think they are a dying breed or rather simply brain dead. So i decided to pay the Post office a visit and the person over there said that the post master will be available after 5 pm and he will attest my form. So with renewed energy i went home and hogged.

So at sharp 5 i landed at the post office where the nice post master was there at his desk. But then quickly realised that he is not authorised to photo- attest as he is not a gazzetted officer. Then he proceeded to explain that only a magistrate, central government employees, school and college principles are gazzetted officers who can attest the bloody form. So now quickly decided to rush to KC college and see if i can get the director of my institute to attest the damn form. So after an uneventful train journey i reached college only to be told that the director could not do it since she is a honorary director. By now i was losing it and had to attend a stupid buisness policy lecture , in which she ended up discussing from pani puri to shantaram the book and also how the poverty line is not defined properly in India. Fuck i say .

So after another hour in the train i reached home from my lecture to hear my mom nagging me about always leaving thing to the end. I made a few calls here and there and finally my friend Ralph managed to find someone near his house who could do the attestation. That guy, known as Babu Mestry, a special executive officer, told me that i could come anytime. So at 10 15 in the night i decided i might as well travel another 15 to 20 kms and get this thing over with. Luckily dad was in a mood for a long drive, so went with him. and finally after soooooo much fight , i managed to get my attestation done and i swear i have not seen anything more beautiful today though the food on my dining table came a close second.

And to add icing to the cake, i have to grapple with trignometry problems late into the night for my forthcoming exams.

cheers

Goal

2005-11-23T19:40:00.000+05:30

A paper is set by a human to test another human. How ironic is that, since no human is perfect, nothing can test your skills to the optimal level. So one has to believe in his/her skills and back himself/herself to the tee. Achievement is a summation of numerous small strides made towards the realisation of a goal. The way you define this goal, will indicate how much you achieve in this life. I am just about now realising this goal of mine, though still not able to clearly define it. I believe somewhere in the near future i will exactly realise what this is. To make things clearer, it is not a Kg class student,' I want to be an astronaut , kind of goal." If the particular goal can be achieved then it is a mere step to a greater goal. The satisfaction in achieveing something always lies in the process and not that much in the final result. Thus your goal should drive you for the rest of your life and it is the best way to live a happy , contended life. Too many of us are content to let the external forces dictate our existence and we merely get along with life. I too , as of now , am guilty of that.
In real life, it is very difficult to look at this macro perspective with the present always poking at you and the past haunting you. Often in situations when we are tested, our sub-conscious carries so much baggage of the past that we are never able to perform to our maximum potential. This is where the question of focus arises. With so many distractions that aound in the modern world, it is increasingly getting difficult for a person to focus. This i believe is a humungous problem that people are not realising. Short attention spans really curtail ones potential. The only solution to this lies in the realisation of ones goal in life.
All this is not as simple as it looks as one needs to identify the inherent motivation on which you can identify this goal. This inherent motivation is very elusive and also at the same time the most obvious.

I feel the above post is not conveying exactly what i feel, so i will abandon it as of now ... will edit it later if i can word it better

Rode the Rake

2005-11-23T12:44:00.000+05:30

Ahh i travelled by the Millenium Rake today, the new train which the western railway has introduced in Mumbai. Must say the journey was much more comfortable in this train, though the crowd remained the same. The good part of catching a train from Churchgate at peak hours is that, if one learns how to get on the train before it halts at the station then that person is assured of a seat. I have mastered this art form over the past few months. So today i perched my ass on the seat next to the window seat. There are extra fans , an excellent ventillation system and lots of lighting. So even the long, arduous journey has an element of comfort just cause the train is clean and bright. Though the travelling conditions remain the same , with recent research suggesting that even cattle travel in better conditions than humans in a Mumbai local train. The windows coupled with the excellent ventilation system allow a lot more fresh air inside than before. Also there is an annoucement inside the compartment about the approaching station. To someone living abroad , these must be basic hygiene factors but for India this is novelty. The western railway plans to introduce 6 more such trains next year and gradually change its entire fleet in the coming years.
But this change is simply superficial, what Mumbai needs desperately is another transit system. Talks have been going on since time immemorial about sky bus or the metro, but nothing concrete has surfaced. If in another 5 years a new transit system is not introduced people might end up spending upto 4 hours a day just on travelling daily. Already on an average a working citizen of Mumbai must be spending 2 to 2 & 1/2 hours a day travelling. However setting up an alternate system of transit will have to be an engineering miracle. The city has severe resource crunch and land is at a premium. Though i am not an engineer i can envisage one solution that might work. Since both the western and central railways already have so much land occupied and a network across the city , if we have a sky bus service running over the tracks parallel to them and construct another floor above the existing stations then we will automatically double the capacity. Also there will be no need to occupy more land which is already a scarce resource in this city and also no need for evacuations.
So in the end , my journey was nice and comfortable and now i am retiring to my books.
cheers

Just like that

2005-11-23T10:19:00.000+05:30

In response to my previous post and my general attitude towards CAT , my girl mailed me and had this to say....

Oh men! when you say you have to compete with yourself and not with the others then it means a lot of things.....a test can never prove your calibre.....i sometimes screw up my exam coz I get bored or irritated ......so when a test cant test ur mettle so why to worry about it......we give a test for getting something we want real badly not to prove ourselves and then show it to whom? people hardly bother about neone.....they will just interfere coz tats the human nature and won't even give a piece of shit what you do later on in ur life coz they will be bitching about someone else......so don't give an ear to neone.....just do everything for yourself......I might sound somewhat scattered with lots of things macronitized in my cerebrum....so be it.......just be strong coz thats what is the purpose of living.....to face what comes at us and then to see how better we just go with it......a situation cranky......fight with it and just mock at it.....are you getting what i wanna say? there is hope always and faith is a word you know so well......

I love you.....and thats one of the best things i can do.....hehe....good luck with what all you are doing

No wonder i love this girl.....

Chewing Gum

2005-11-22T05:30:00.000+05:30

Thats what the CAT exam is all about. The exam chews on you as if you are a gum , extracts complete devotion and hardwork and then simply spits one out of the system, swallowing a select few. Well yesterday was D-day and i got spat out. It seems to be more of rejection procedure than a selection procedure. The difficulty level of English took me by surprise and well now will end up with an overall 92 - 93 percentile. When i first got the question paper in my hands and saw that there were only 90 questions, i felt i had a good chance of cracking it . But now thanks to the difficulty level of English ( the toughest ever in CAT history) and DI , forget about cracking, i hardly managed to make a dent.
I dont think i will cross the 95 percentlie mark in English so a call from MICA is highly unlikely, so really will need to crack the XAT english section . Right now i am in the proces of refocussing and getting ready for the IIFT exam.
However , as Albert Einstein once said, "In the midst of distress, lies oppurtunity." The MBA season is far from over and with exams like IIFT, XAT and FMS; i have ample chance to redeem myself.
So, finally, trying to come out of the chewing gum phase....

Me Homer

2005-11-20T09:44:00.000+05:30

I am starting to look like Homer Simpson .. what with my belly coming out..and my close association with jaundice... so that lays rest to my dreams of becoming a belly dancer in Ukraine. On a serious note, i really need to do something about my weight. If this continues pretty soon , when i enter a room the first thing a person will see is my belly and then the rest of me will follow and might even get susceptible to breast cancer.....
Hmm just read the first para again and i am certainly in a quirky mood today.. but thinking about it i definately have a wierd sense of humour and can make anything sound perveted when i am in the groove.
will update later

Impasse

2005-11-19T11:39:00.000+05:30

Feels like my abilities are stuck in time... i have not seen any improvement in myself for the past 3 to 4 months. i had got hooked on to the CAT fever... but ever since then i have hardly done anything productive or constructive. Just tiding away with time . Flowing with the pace of the world, offering no resistance, makes one feel so mechanical and lifeless. I really want to go round the world and experience things, there is so much to see in this small world of ours that a lifetime is not sufficient. And i feel like i have already wasted 22 years of my life, just going through the everyday rigours of life which everyone is subjected to . I believe this is my core motivation for doing an MBA, so that it opens up an oppurtunity for me to earn enough money and then simply roam the world. Hopefully , another 22 years down the line , i do not find myself as an hot shot top executive caught up in the rigours of making a living that i bury this desire somewhere deep inside me.

But now what can i do to tide over this impasse. i have pretty much a set plan for the next 2 months. i am done preparing for CAT and really do not know what kind of result to expect, so i have stopped expecting anything. I really want to toil hard for the next 2 months and make sure i land up somewhere decent. I know i have enough in me to crack apart any exam i give but still i dont.. because somewhere down the line during my preps there is always something that veers me off my course... this time i really never had the motivation to study Maths . it was more like a survival instinct and i have covered oinly the bare minimum. At this moment i should be brushing up my formulaes, but i really dont find any satisfaction in doing any of that. I had really wanted to work after i had finished my graduation this year and i tried real hard for it, in a span of two months i visited and applied at as many places i could. I wanted to be an Account Planner in a proper sized advertising agency . I know i have the knack for it . But they wont interview me since i am not an MBA. Fucking sweet. I have done my graduation in Mass Media, specialising in Advertising but that surely doesnt count in the market place. The three letters- MBA- seems to have become some sort of a rubber stamp on resumes in India. You have this rubber stamp and your career gets some kind of a thumbs up signal. Now this rubber stamp comes in varying degrees of quality .

Spank me really hard with all the money baby

This rubber stamp is of the foremost quality. If one has this on their resume, then well it means that they really busted their ass studying for an exam and spoke unbelievable levels of fart in their GD / PI sessions. This rubber stamp will ensure that you are never out of a job and you get free meals at least three times a week in conferences.

No one can crap on my face

This is next in the hierarchal ladder of rubber stamps. These guys too work hard for the exams, but do not have the same level of focus and determination as the spankers. So they end up with a rubber stamp that does not have the same level of durability. The two peer groups do not differ much in motivations or aspirations. Thus the spankers and the crapers end up in a symbiotic relationship in an organisation. They too are entitled to free meals and are generally besotted with good job offers should they lose their job.

My mama told me to beep her

The beepers are the mass , they get the rubber stamp simply cause it has those three letters MBA. Durability or the quality of this kind of rubber stamp is nothing to write about. It often ends up as a mere differentiator and these people will have to prove their worth at every step of their career, as their rubber stamp wont carry any extra burden for them. ( this is not to imply that the spankers and crapers do not have to prove themselves on the job. What i am alluding to is the job interview process. In an actual job scenario thankfully everyone has to prove their worth)

Well i had started this post on a totally different note and ended up with something else. Well that is life for you , you start off with certain intentions and midway things take a turn for the unknown. Wonder whether i will be classifed under a spanker, a crapper or a beeper.

Adios