Travel

Thats been missing for close to a year now. The surroundings and the pressures within have become all too familiar. I need to break this jinx soon. To breathe fresh air. To be in the open again.

To you, my reflection

Been a while.  I indulged in flirtations by starting some other blogs which are now reduced to a mere stastic. Habits once formed are difficult to let go. Hence, i am back to this lovely blog. To rediscover some earlier habits which were responsible for me being stronger, fearless and sharper. To rediscover writing. To rediscover my desire.

The world has changed so dramatically and i am struggling to keep up. Letting myself get raped by circumstances, constantly embattled by fear of the unknown and drowning the voice of my heart. I come back to thee, the reflection of my thoughts and a way i can reconnect. 

Back on the path due to my common soul who knows who she is and believes in me. Of promises to her and worse still promises to myself that went un-kept. I went by without fighting hard, memories of earlier victories just a haze, i searched and searched for that injection of enthusiasm. The quick fix panacea to my troubles. All of 27 and yet uncertain, and letting things flow.

A spark has ignited a tiny flame recently. I battle to nourish it into the fire that will drive me again.  A fire to light up the engulfing darkness. To give myself a chance.  To take a risk. To hear my heart again!

When action is equated with talk

A very Indian trait.  Endemic in our culture and in us.  Got the articulation for this insight from this post by Calamur : http://calamur.org/gargi/2009/11/26/2611-just-another-date/

Something i very well identify with myself. Often times i am provoked to action when absolutely necessary and often find myself convincing myself with talk in my head about my future actions. Promise myself a brilliant future and work towards it.  Dream up wonderful circumstances and situations where i act like a man responsible for his destiny.  Where i break the tide of things and let them flow in my desired direction. In a convoluted manner , this blog is also a representation of my mere talk and very little action.

Frustrated. Desire to live my life to the fullest. When will i act upon it?

The Dragon

The song that is stuck in my head these days. 

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The Dragon by Guggenheim Grotto

my brother is gifted he says he can wake in his dreams

and you can do anything if you can wake in your dreams

grow ten feet taller and talk with giraffes

with one single step cut the universe in half

yes you can do anything if you wake up in dreams

he met his dragon; his dragon flew him into space

there was junk everywhere, everywhere was a floating disgrace

so they went to a room that was hollow and white

they waited a while till the door opened wide

my father walked in and he and my brother embraced

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Listening to this, as i ride in the morning in a caged AC bus brushing against people all of them headed to work, solemn faces and no desire to know the person next to you.  So literally preferring to be 'transported' and avoiding any further emotional addition. 

And i hear this with a smile on my face.  I get lost, in my dreams. 

The Glory of Hope

Automobiles, machines and hundreds of such examples of human ingenuity all run on a fuel. Everything needs something to crank itself up and set the parts rolling.  A critical ingredient without which it is nothing but a worthless piece of crap.  This applies to humans too and the great fuel that drives humans is Hope.  In a way, it is hope that distinguishes humand from other animals.  animals are driven by instinct, preprogrammed and will persist endlessly for the same. Our survival instinct, that causes a drowning man to resist is in someways similar to the preprogrammed nature of animals.  But our ability to hope is something that makes us unique. 

Hope is eternal and when all seems lost it is only this ability in us to envision something better, to hope something better is what that keeps us going forth.  In the light of this fact, there should be happiness all around. All of us should be able to tap into this and keep marching ahead and achieve that glorious future that we hope for. Given such an incredible gift, it still appalls me to see that barely anyone seems to buy into it.  To see so many around me resigned to fate. To wonder whether they tried and failed or are they in the process, trying to escape. Or maybe to remove the bias, it may after all be their ideal place and hence not fighting it out. Though it cannot be the truth for the majority.  Why does it appear that the majority simply have decided to let it all flow?  To not create a resistance that hope so often inspires you to.  I have found myself wanting of this hope on a few occasions this past year, in fact have been running a low reserve and that too for not apparent grief.  Things are all in my control and after all , the truth being that we are responsible for what we are.  

To build a stockpile of this hope and to keep edging ahead.  To use this fuel and persist with ones dreams.  To take the risks and make those commitments. Little do we know , how much we can stretch and how much we can achieve.  To simply surge forth with the glory of hope!

A New Look

Tinkering again.Weird this! Constant feeling of being stuck.  My past few posts have all been talking about this. Been like this for a year now. As my 26th birthday was nearing i was taken aback at the thought that a year had disappeared. All i did was react and simply flow along with whatever came by and offered no resistance whatsoever.  It did shake me off my unknowing slumber.

Taking control now. Little by little.

Anyone

A pertinent need for escape. All around me, in the eyes of so many people whom i encounter. A fight from within against this need. Some who have succeeded are lifeless, a resignation to the current state reflected in their eyes. Why is the world in such a disarray? Why are we so scared of the unknown?

The route to happiness is clear to everyone. But very few have the legs for it. A simple life yet complicated by our discipline less mind. Struggling to find innocence around me. Everything comes wrapped with ulterior motives. I need to change. Let it rain, these drops of clarity and hope i catch it before it gets muddled in these vast expanses of human insanity. If we let instincts over power us and heed and reward each and every instinct will it make us happier or simply an animal? Do we use our intellectual prowess to justify all our instincts and tame them just like we are trying to tame nature? Why is there the strong need to control in us? Why do we need to be in control of our lives, our present, our future? Why do we desire a purpose in life and are lost and miserable without it?

Anyone?

Alive and Kicking

The homing device in my head had gone for a huge spin headed towards nowhere. All kinds of tinkering and tossing around has finally resulted in some kind of alignment. Gaining of conciousness. Realisation of a purpose . Snowballing into some kind of momentum. Desire and inclination to discover the tempo. Smooth whirring sounds in the head. Clarity. Feels good to be alive.