Not so random

Often you try and question yourself. Wonder whether you have changed. It does not seem as such but the world around you accuses of having changed.

I am very stubborn and obstinate when it comes to something i believe in and i am especially forceful about it with the people who are close to me. I enforce what i believe in on them and do not accept any rebuttal. Specially in a situation, if i believe that 'x' is a logical outcome then i will push for it and manipulate as much required till that has been adopted.

this attitude is Not doing a lot of good to my relationships though....

But then i still persist.

23

Thats my age. Does not sound too good. I feel awkward. 23 years of my life are done with and i am half way through in becoming a 24 year old. That sounds old to me. When i was a teenager i had a very different vision of myself at this age. Somehow i feel different to what i had imagined myself to be.

I used to think i would be fit. Contrary to that i am quite a lump. imagined myself to be mature and sure of my decisions. Nothing of that sort has happened and i am still as indecisive as ever and prone to some real immature decisions.Thought that i would be able to take up big responsibilities without the blink of an eyelid. I still cringe at assuming responsibility.Somehow have the feeling that responsibility ties you down and does not let you explore.

I do not have much to show for my 23 years of life. Nothing beyond the ordinary. Feels weird especially when i hear about other successful 23 year olds.

At this point of my life, i am in a quest to change myself for the better or at least what i think is good for me. If i am able to make the leap by the time my 24th birthday arrives , i will be a much happier 24 year old.

Well thought i will put up my book wait list.

Currently reading: ( since almost 2 weeks, somehow i am finishing books much slower than before. Do not have sustained periods of reading) A short history of nearly everything - Bill Bryson
A fascinating book that is improving my general knowledge tremendously. It is like instant science, without the bothersome equations and elaborate theories. Just concepts explained very succinctly and with an entertaining approach with little tit bits that make you realize that scientists aren't as dull as they are made out to be. I am done with half the book. Planning to finish it over this weekend

Wait list

1) Shantaram: Have heard so much about this book that i have to absolutely read it. Guess i will a buy a copy of this book.

2) Kite runner: Another highly recommended book. The book is there in Mica library. Have observed three people reading it and whoever has picked it up has taken a maximum of 2 days to finish it off since it is a very addictive read.

3) The long tail: A book i picked up at crosswords recently. Had a read an article about the concept of long tail and liked it. So picked it up and hoping for some value add here.

4) The Goal 2: Had read the first part and absolutely loved it. Talks about operations management but in the laymans language and extremely informative.

Well this is my wish list for the next month and odd. Hopefully i would be able to rev up my reading speed and fiish most of them. Will keep updating about this quest of mine.

The Wall

So i went to this shop in dadar today. I went there with my mom. A standard ritual that i have been accustomed to over the 12 years that i have spent in this city. The shop in question is a blouse matching center. When we first came to mumbai, we used to stay in bandra. During our explorations of the city, we tumbled into this shop bang in the middle of dadar market. My mom has been a regular there since she is generally very loyal in her purchases. Owing to her inability to catch on and remember roads the responsibility to take her to this place fell on me. And so it has been ever since. Once every 3 to 4 months we make a trip to dadar market and mom gets her dresses made, altered etc.

In the past 12 years a lot of changes took place in my life. I grew up for starters. Had a lively and interesting bunch of teenage years. Entered adulthood but still not sure about my footing. Lots of things changed around me, so did my lifestyle. Dad prospered a lot and i was the direct beneficiary. But ad mist all this my trips to this shop were a constant. Once or twice i tried coaxing my mom into trying out some other place but she never budged. The attendants of the shop were by now familiar faces especially a certain short gentleman with a forever smiling face. All these years went by and we never exchanged more than a smile. Until today when for the first time we spoke. He has been working in the shop for the past 18 years out of which me and my my mom featured in 12 of those. An utterly genial man, had a pleasant conversation with him and finally got to know his name - Dilip Desai.

On my way back, i realised that i could have had this little conversation years back. Could have known him better and developed a better relationship and connect with the chop. But i have always since childhood taken a lot of time to open up. Initially i always appear very reserved practically a snob. Led me to think on how many such Dilip Desai's i have missed interacting with in my life. Thought about my life in Mica over the past year. I could easily have been more forthcoming and approachable than what i was. I do tend to build these walls around me which i let very few people break into. But i am missing a lot more by doing this than i earlier thought i was. I always have this feeling that i am being judged at every moment. A wierd feeling indeed but it is precisely the reason why i tend to hide myself and expose very little of what i am. Simply because i hate being judged. But now i shall try and not bother about being judged and be more open and look put for relationships with my fellow humans.

Hiatus

Well its over. Back on the blog again for the nth time after a hiatus. Theme still remains the same. Will ramble about the same issues since things havent changed that much. Satisfied with a few things and extremely disgruntled with a lot more.

Yesterday night was my first movie screening as a Trinetra member in MICA. A voting system was set up and 'Mind Game' an animation flick turned out to be the popular choice. I love the movie, it is simple yet complex in its elements.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0452039/

One single message was prelevant throught the movie- Your actions shape your life. A simple truth everyone understands but nobody acts upon it. We remain reactive in our lives and actions.

Well i am finishing of a year already in this place. Been a roller coaster experience. Getting a little homesick too. Internship in Chennai is bound to be another interesting experience. Hope i get to do some substantial work in my internship.

Solution

An interesting forward i received .. though i cannot guarantee the veracity of the following instances but they make for an entertaining read:

Learn to focus on solutions and not on problems.

Case 1:

When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink won't flow down to the writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million.

They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C. And what did the Russians do...?? They used a pencil.

Case 2:

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soap box, which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soap box that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soap box went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.

Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty.

No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent whoopee amount to do so.

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Man's Salvation

An interesting paragraph from a book on codes in culture that i have been reading for the past few days reserved specifically for boring lectures:

"Men are programmed for sex and, as much as he might protest this , the average man is willing to have sex with just about any woman willing to have sex with him. If a man notices a woman's beauty, though, if he stops to admire her physical magnificence rather than simply throwing her over his shoulder, his soul is elevated to another level. If a woman can impress her beauty upon a man permanently, if she can stay beautiful in his eyes, she can make him a better human being. She is doing more than keeping herself visually appealing to him; she is elevating him from a rutting animal to something more exalted."

Clotaire Rapaille on the back of his own research came up with this basic insight and thus the code of beauty in America which is Man's Salvation.

More than the code, the paragraph above has a profound learning about the true nature of men. I believe it is true in many cultures and not specific to the US.

There is nothing much i can add or subtract to this insight as it is more of a factual statement but every man needs to understand the basic thought that went behind it. Not try and be defensive and justify.

The picture above makes a lot of sense to me in this context and is a classic case of inter gender interaction.

Be in love with your Life

Note To Self

It really ain't that long. Life is abrupt. Will disappear one day. And compared to the universe standards our life span cannot be appropriately represented as even the word minuscule is mammoth in nature when compared to reality.

Never hate your life. The way things are. It ain't right or wrong. There are only actions and consequences and what we usually go through is a consequence of our own doing. There simply isn't any time to waste really. To not pay attention to our surroundings and be trapped by our self obsessive minds. LIVE. Every moment, emotion,desire,conflict,tragedy. Look at your world and absorb. Respect your body as it is the most wonderful thing you will ever own. Be open in all aspects. Love yourself and your life