Buffet

I am not really a lunch person. Eating out means going out for some nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. Ever since i reached bangalore , now lunch has become this regimented affair almost. Don't feel like eating but usually am driven by hunger caused by a lack of breakfast.

So i tumble , drag and scratch my head every afternoon peering at restaurants, deciding whether they sound appetizing. With names like Adiga's, Empire, Paramount, New Shanti Sagare and the likes nothing really allures me to expend my taste buds at these restaurants.

Bangalore though is like a hub for buffet restaurants. Almost every restaurant worth its toothpick has a lunch buffet. And this is where i usually find myself. Alwayus allured y the spread, it serves its purpose. Sometimes the mere act of tasting everything is enough to fill my stomach. Good or bad, tasting and going through the whole spread is quite a mouthful. The most delightful aspect is to watch human greed come to the fore. People overcome with a burning passion to get full value for the money they pay and go beyond that and make the restaurant regret their decision. It is almost like a sense of achievement and pride to go for a refill a minimum of 5 times. A point which they can brag about in front of their friends. Something even i have been prey to when this sense of achievement overcomes me and i dump food into my system. There is something very perverse about this that i cant lay my finger on. And absolutely hahve

Whiff

Of fragrance, smell, an opportunity. Be it anything but sometimes all we need is a flash. A vision or a minuscule amount of the right kind of inspiration. I am constantly being wooed by this whiff of a fragrance. A fragrance i desire to engulf myself with. Visions that are fleeting but strong enough which paint a future that i desire.

Wafts of desire, might be a stretch metaphorically but the world of desires powered by our heart can only be explained by metaphorical excess. And that indeed is its beauty. Painting a portrait is easy but the true magic is bringing it to life. I have been lucky enough to have experienced this and now i am addicted.

Stoic belief and hanging on to that whiff of hope and desire always ensures magic. Had i read this post a few months back i would have found it to be cryptic and inane. That's the change that has come over me and i simply love the feeling.

I have smelt the whiff of change recently and there will be change. A change governed by my desires. Very soon.

25

God that seems old. When i was 16 i had a vision of myself as a 25 year old. I envisaged myself well educated and working somewhere that required me to wear a suit to work in an air conditioned flashy office. With me being supremely assured and sure of myself and my decisions. Totally mature and responsible in every sphere of my life and completely trained and tutored to face life head on.

Well i am 25 and i can just about claim to be well educated but don't feel like one. Feel as confused as a 16 year old with no clue about what my future holds and am definitely not dead certain about my decisions :) My job gives me no opportunity to wear a suit and in fact i do not even own one. I work in a crowded market area subject to the vagaries of nature.

Besides my job everything else about myself seems perfectly fine. I do not think i will ever attain completely maturity or will ever have more than a 50:50 success rate with my decisions. But what i have gained is that i am being honest to myself. This seems to be my greatest achievement by the age of 25. At the age of 16, adulthood seemed to be a warped world where the only way to survive was to be dishonest to yourself.. A quarter century experience of living behind me , brought up lovingly by my parents instilling a solid base so that i could create my own value system. A life uplifted by happiness and marred by sadness in appropriate proportion that has taught me that the best way to live is to stay in the present and experience it to the fullest. Its a tough call but i try hard everyday with a moderate success rate.

As i look ahead, i have no elaborate plans but to absorb life and its numerous twists and turns. Love the recent turns and twists it has taken bringing me forth on to a pathway that was hitherto hidden from my meandering eyes. A pathway that exposes itself on a day to day basis and that rewards one if they listen to their heart for directions. Let not this world and its complex system of chaining you to things posses you. Learn to maneuver and manipulate and work within the system. The system we live in gives us context and hence it is important. Keep the context in your mind but develop your own meanings.

Cheers to life

Stuck

How many times in life do we reach this situation? It seems to be a cyclic fixture in our lives. And i seem to have completed another cyclic round. Frustrations in me seem to be following the example of the tides caused by the moon on our vast oceans. Cyclic high and lows have become commonplace. Feel completely stuck with the job i am doing right now and the city i am in. Yearn for a creative output and an escape route for my senses that have been dulled over the past few months.

The essential question being, how did i end up in this mess? how did that happen i wonder. Nothing more than a combination of not capitalizing on the available choices and an ill informed sense of direction. But that is forgivable. Happens to the best of us. Lesson learnt.

Time to set things right. So starting a job hunt in a depressed economy and certainly looking to get back to Mumbai. That's where my heart is.

Dance

Has been always a very enriching experience for me. whenever i have danced, except a few occasions when i became conscious, i have loved the release. Something about the gay abandon with which our body moves to beats that pulsate somewhere deep in our minds

The real beauty about dancing is that it does not matter whether we are good at it or bad at it. what matters is whether we get that release and the sense of freedom and connect with our body. That reminds me that it has been a real long time since i have danced. Wonder when i will bogey again. That aside what really motivated me to write this post is a video Nikhil sent to me which made me super jealous since i identified with it instantly and probably a hundred million people around the world did the same. It combines what of my most fiercest desires with dance. Travel :)

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY&feature=user

Amen

Honest

Black and white. That's the environment that my blog breathes in. And that's what i strive for in general. To achieve that clarity and the ensuing peace that accompanies such clarity.

I have been disconnected but lets not get into that right now. At this present stage of my life i feel far more connected in life than ever before. Found a purpose and way of life that feels worthwhile. Ironic that i revisit my blog on this day, Oct 2nd. This divine clarity as it may seem is nothing beside being completely honest to myself. Something that i thought i was doing for a long while but it all turned out to be hogwash.

It seems so intrinsic and so simple but that is not the true picture at least in my case. Being honest to ourselves is something that you affect at the very core of your being. With some very difficult decisions and immense conviction in self and our desires. Once this core is stable the harmony spreads to once exterior and we begin attracting things/people that help build this core. This in essence is the manner in which i have changed and experienced over the past few months. It comes accompanied by this huge sense of freedom that nobody can control your life expect you and your actions/ decisions.