Lack Coffee

Slightly high. High on substance. High on lack of substance. That is any-body's guess. Everything is hazy at the moment. Hazy in terms of emotions which i will try to collate for this article. Difficult task this. But a task that ain't as mundane as rehashing knowledge for the nth time for the satisfaction of some pseudo evaluative process. So what do you think this is going to be? An exercise in self expression that reflects the anguish hidden in my superficial exterior. That might be the pivot that catches attention but that ain't the purpose behind this monologue. I shall respect the fact that some of you have chosen to read some words that i have managed to weave together.

4 months to go. In a place where i had always wanted to be. True it did not really live up to my expectations but then it opened my eyes to a totally new perspective. A cocooned existence in a picturesque setting with a bunch of humans trying to be humans. The initial claustrophobia that this place subjects one to is indeed traumatic. But then slowly, before we know it we start getting used to this. Similar faces, expressions, routine, relationships, learnings, frustrations and apathy that we so get used to. We slowly get disconnected with the world. In a village, away from civilization most of us remain media dark. Start building our own worlds in context to each other that makes us more dependent on the community we are living in. Constantly striving for acceptability over here. And therein lies the reason for pretense. Nobody can afford to be isolated over here. Those who have managed to do so are miserable. So in effect we end up being close to a precious few and phony to a multitude. Oops, now what did i do here? I have gone against my word and displayed all this anguish. Trust me i tried to mask it all but then i guess i am incapable of doing that at least when i write.

All this really ain't as dark as i have painted it to be. This is what i have become used to and i have started loving this state of being. I am comfortable over here away from the reality of the world. Nice and sheltered, doing what my heart desires and in full acceptance of the standards one needs to maintain around this place. Nobody around to question us, the first true phase of our adult lives. Temptations encouraged and available wherever i look. Seems like an eternity, this phase of life appeared to stretch towards infinity but reality is dawning at the horizon. Soon i shall be released from here and forced to embrace the outside world. A world that i have long forgotten and lost fancy for. It is cruel to be asked to disassociate from this place after all this. Indeed, i have fallen in love with this environ and some of the people here.Twilight approaches and the magical night in this place is coming to an end. Much like my tenure over here. No idea of what will happen once i step out of here. Sleep enveloping my senses even as i try and comprehend what my 9 am lecture is about. At this moment i lack coffee.

Tumbling ahead

The parity between what i say and what i feel is increasingly becoming non existent. It is like living in two worlds. A cocoon of emotions within us that are so wrapped up amongst themselves that untangling them and presenting them to the world is impossible. Though one feels that there is someone somewhere who can enter the warmth of this cocoon and weave out the knots that bind us so mercilessly from inside.

Our increasing individuality and selfishness is rendering us lonelier as we age. Everyone seems to be living for himself/herself. But the heart desires someone to live for. One dreams of an enigmatic soul, willing to put itself in our shoes. To live, understand and survive the world together. But togetherness seems to be shallow and transient. It seems more situational than by design. More often than not it ends up being a function of convineance. Complacency sets in and one does not bother to take an extra effort. The world tumbles ahead and so do we with our complacency.......

Forward, I hope

So says the rat who wants to become a chef. A wonderfully neutral statement according to me. Optimistic and pessimistic at the same time. Reflects the fact that we never really know. We never really know which way is forward in life.

People are always willing to give perspective to an issue but not really solve an issue. Constructive advice and opinion is a rare resource. Maybe the reason why i have started to find many people phony , including myself at times. Whatever said and done MICA has been a forward step for all involved. Nobody leaves this place without changing in some way. It really teaches you some hard lessons on personal relationships either by direct or indirect experience.

I have never been so unclear about my way forward as i am now. Whatever step i take does not seem to be the right thing to do. I keep on oscillating from highs to lows. Lows being more prolonged. The mind seems to have given up now. I am in reactionary mode. That means i can only hope to stumble on to the right way forward.
God bless

Bad Loser

Failure hits me hard. I do not take it too well. I do not try hard often. Maybe thats the reason since when i do try hard and success eludes me, i go negative. Optimism has a transitory existence in my psyche. I lose self belief easy when faced with failure.

The only good thing is that i do not mope about the failure for a long time. I does have its effect but i reconcile soon and generally end up resolving to work harder the next time around which never really happens and the circle repeats itself

The Last Mile

I feel that i am slowly coming out of it. The mental abyss that i have been traversing for a very long time. After years i am developing a semblance of confidence. Internally i feel tremendously motivated. Life seems to be revealing some of its secrets to me. The revelations have rekindled something in me that is helping me push myself. I see targets in front of me and all of them seem within my grasp. I could kill a lion with my bare hands.

I have found my opium. The last stretch that i run when my body is crying to quit gives me the biggest kick ever. The desire to learn is finally coming back. Ignoring the hurtful petty words that keep orbiting around me has become easy. I think i am finally changing.

Whats more i think i am getting my concentration back.

Wonky

According to Madame Goodman, Librans have this tendency of having varying periods of activity and inactivity. I have been a lump over the past 2 weeks mainly due to my non existent lecture schedule. The extra time is making me think too much and the lack of optimism in some of these thoughts have started to take its toll on me .

This however is going to change soon. Intense period of activity is about to start. Soon i will be so busy that i will have no time to think. And then again i would wish for some free time where i could simply sit and think. Life continues to be at its dichotomous best. I am starting to wonder whether neutrality really exists in this world. Their is either optimism or pessimism, hatred or love, lust or disgust..... Indeed such a dichotomy beholds my mind at the present moment.

The dichotomy between the heart and the head. Everything logically adds up to a certain decision but the heart dictates a different decision. I can be either brutal to someone else or be brutal to myself. Not a choice i want to make.

Life is full of tough decisions but this will be the toughest i make. Indecision is another trait harbored by a normal libran according to Madame Linda. I seem to be abnormal in this regard as i simply cant make up mind on this issue.

Admist all this mental muddle i easily had one of my best days in my room. It was pouring crazy yesterday night. The world had called it a night. The only sound audible was of the rain drops splashing on the absorbent earth. Insects conveying their presence through a mellifluous opera. The streetlight giving immense character to the falling rain. Subtle shadows hiding its secrets. Nature had started speaking to me. Conversing about nothing in general but an emotion in particular. I did not understand what emotion it was trying to convey till the afternoon. The rain continued to ramble with me. The light a lot more benevolent reflected an immense spectrum of colours. My window expanded to cover the entire scope of my vision and made me privy to an extremely beautiful world. Then i understood that the world spoke of happiness. Dichotomous to the sadness filled in my wonky head.

A watery right eye

Is it just some alien particle irritating my right eye. The irritation refuses to cease. The tear drops continue to swell and the nose is beginning to leak. The left eye however stays sane and does not seem to be losing it. It is definitely the cooler one, with it is calm presence.

A duality that is mirrored in my state of mind. Thoughts that are bothering me no end. Internal turmoil at a peak . There seems to be no right. Whatever i will end up doing will be wrong. But i do not have an option if i do listen to my heart. It will be the toughest thing ever. Will make my life Topsy turvy and send me on a tremendous guilt trip.

This will be my toughest decision ever and might end up even making my left eye teary.

3rd August

My worst day in Mica till date.

• Got screwed by the class.
  
• Got thrown out of a close friends room
• Return of the girlfriend stalker.

How much of the flak do i really deserve. Well apart from the second incident , hardly any i suppose.

Reaction: Feel like simply converging into myself and stay closed. Do things from now on only at an individual level. No longer contain my aggressiveness.

A Good Start

I have lost the ability to finish a book . I have started 4 books this summer and haven't finished a single one. But then it does not bother me as earlier. I used to get worked up on a whole lot of issues , indulge in intense thought over the matter and finally do something which always was not proportional to the though put behind it and fell short. But then over the summer i have learned an important lesson of thinking and pondering lesser and acting and reacting more.

Not bothered of making mistakes, in fact it helps to think lesser than i usually do and act as fast as i can since whatever mistake i commit helps me refine my direction. I am trying not to let people and their loose talk not affect me. Strangely i do get affected by what people say and think about me even if they are mere acquaintances. A close friend can really damage my self confidence unknowingly.But then the same hasn't been the case the past few months with a lot of acid talk hardly inciting a thought in me. I have become more narcissistic over the period of my internship and i ain't apologetic or regretful about it. MICA life in second year has been slow at times but mostly well placed. I am in love with my room and the privacy it fetches me. I guess that in itself is something i cherish and has been responsible for my cheerfulness. With a roommate always around everyone behaves subconsciously in a certain guarded manner.

Just the start i wanted this year. :)

Crisp

Erratic Blogging at its best. Back again but did not anticipate the change i would go through and that too of all the places in Chennai. Enough said. Till laters

Madras Mail

source : http://www.jorgetutor.com/india/sindia/chennai/chennai2.htm

Chennai beckons. Over the past few days i have realised that i have a stereotypical image of the city in my head. My interactions with my friends further strengthens this stereotype. But every city has got a character of its own and provides a unique experience to different individuals. Till now i have heard more negatives than positives about the city but i am sure the good things are hidden there waiting to be explored. That is what excites me. New city all on my own with the freedom to explore it the way i want to. Perfect.

As far as the internship goes. i hope i get decent work and more than that understand thoroughly how an ad agency functions while developing some good relationships in the process. Hopefully i manage to interact and open up soon enough since 2 months is a short period. I am mentally preparing myself and will reach the office sans any ego willing to do whatever is required. There is no point getting frustrated with the work or lack of it in an internship. It is more about experience and observation. In 2 months nobody can do something mind blowing and alter the course of the company as such. It is a limited impact and the more open and receptive i am to any kind of work coming my way the better it will be. Will also have interns from other MBA colleges to give me company so hopefully i end up having some good company.

This however is the main problem that i will face :

Right from the moment you alight at the Chennai Central railway station you notice something everywhere in the air...it's a tremendous linguistic pride, to the extent of being an inertia. The coolie will come up to you, and depending what you look like - talk in Hindi or Tamil. Having found that you are Hindi-speaking, he will, very politely, offer his help to carry your luggage. You, being a light traveller, refuse and then ask him, in Hindi, where the main gate is. He will suddenly, behave as if someone just attacked his linguistic independence. He will shake his hands all over his body, dance around for a while and before you think you have got the right quantam-mechanical equation to pin down his momentum and position, he will depart, leaving you feeling stupid all over. He has shown you that he does not understand Hindi. In fact, this attribute of the people is most wonderful, and is of tremendous academic interest. Unless they want something from you or want to exercise their skills in Hindi, they will not talk to you in Hindi. English they might speak, but Hindi, an emphatic no!

source : http://www.indiatravelogue.com/trav/impr19.html

The heat i suppose will take some getting used to but then i had managed decently well over there when i had gone for my cousin sister's wedding in the middle of may in the recent past. Whatever happens it is going to hell lot different to life at Mumbai. I remember being mighty pissed when i got placed in JWT Chennai since i had almost assumed that they would place me in Mumbai and had no clue about the office in Chennai. Was pretty devastated with the news but then gradually started seeing the plus points of coming to a different city and a smaller branch. Now i am positively upbeat about this opportunity and hopefully will make something good of it.

Not so random

Often you try and question yourself. Wonder whether you have changed. It does not seem as such but the world around you accuses of having changed.

I am very stubborn and obstinate when it comes to something i believe in and i am especially forceful about it with the people who are close to me. I enforce what i believe in on them and do not accept any rebuttal. Specially in a situation, if i believe that 'x' is a logical outcome then i will push for it and manipulate as much required till that has been adopted.

this attitude is Not doing a lot of good to my relationships though....

But then i still persist.

23

Thats my age. Does not sound too good. I feel awkward. 23 years of my life are done with and i am half way through in becoming a 24 year old. That sounds old to me. When i was a teenager i had a very different vision of myself at this age. Somehow i feel different to what i had imagined myself to be.

I used to think i would be fit. Contrary to that i am quite a lump. imagined myself to be mature and sure of my decisions. Nothing of that sort has happened and i am still as indecisive as ever and prone to some real immature decisions.Thought that i would be able to take up big responsibilities without the blink of an eyelid. I still cringe at assuming responsibility.Somehow have the feeling that responsibility ties you down and does not let you explore.

I do not have much to show for my 23 years of life. Nothing beyond the ordinary. Feels weird especially when i hear about other successful 23 year olds.

At this point of my life, i am in a quest to change myself for the better or at least what i think is good for me. If i am able to make the leap by the time my 24th birthday arrives , i will be a much happier 24 year old.

Well thought i will put up my book wait list.

Currently reading: ( since almost 2 weeks, somehow i am finishing books much slower than before. Do not have sustained periods of reading) A short history of nearly everything - Bill Bryson
A fascinating book that is improving my general knowledge tremendously. It is like instant science, without the bothersome equations and elaborate theories. Just concepts explained very succinctly and with an entertaining approach with little tit bits that make you realize that scientists aren't as dull as they are made out to be. I am done with half the book. Planning to finish it over this weekend

Wait list

1) Shantaram: Have heard so much about this book that i have to absolutely read it. Guess i will a buy a copy of this book.

2) Kite runner: Another highly recommended book. The book is there in Mica library. Have observed three people reading it and whoever has picked it up has taken a maximum of 2 days to finish it off since it is a very addictive read.

3) The long tail: A book i picked up at crosswords recently. Had a read an article about the concept of long tail and liked it. So picked it up and hoping for some value add here.

4) The Goal 2: Had read the first part and absolutely loved it. Talks about operations management but in the laymans language and extremely informative.

Well this is my wish list for the next month and odd. Hopefully i would be able to rev up my reading speed and fiish most of them. Will keep updating about this quest of mine.

The Wall

So i went to this shop in dadar today. I went there with my mom. A standard ritual that i have been accustomed to over the 12 years that i have spent in this city. The shop in question is a blouse matching center. When we first came to mumbai, we used to stay in bandra. During our explorations of the city, we tumbled into this shop bang in the middle of dadar market. My mom has been a regular there since she is generally very loyal in her purchases. Owing to her inability to catch on and remember roads the responsibility to take her to this place fell on me. And so it has been ever since. Once every 3 to 4 months we make a trip to dadar market and mom gets her dresses made, altered etc.

In the past 12 years a lot of changes took place in my life. I grew up for starters. Had a lively and interesting bunch of teenage years. Entered adulthood but still not sure about my footing. Lots of things changed around me, so did my lifestyle. Dad prospered a lot and i was the direct beneficiary. But ad mist all this my trips to this shop were a constant. Once or twice i tried coaxing my mom into trying out some other place but she never budged. The attendants of the shop were by now familiar faces especially a certain short gentleman with a forever smiling face. All these years went by and we never exchanged more than a smile. Until today when for the first time we spoke. He has been working in the shop for the past 18 years out of which me and my my mom featured in 12 of those. An utterly genial man, had a pleasant conversation with him and finally got to know his name - Dilip Desai.

On my way back, i realised that i could have had this little conversation years back. Could have known him better and developed a better relationship and connect with the chop. But i have always since childhood taken a lot of time to open up. Initially i always appear very reserved practically a snob. Led me to think on how many such Dilip Desai's i have missed interacting with in my life. Thought about my life in Mica over the past year. I could easily have been more forthcoming and approachable than what i was. I do tend to build these walls around me which i let very few people break into. But i am missing a lot more by doing this than i earlier thought i was. I always have this feeling that i am being judged at every moment. A wierd feeling indeed but it is precisely the reason why i tend to hide myself and expose very little of what i am. Simply because i hate being judged. But now i shall try and not bother about being judged and be more open and look put for relationships with my fellow humans.

Hiatus

Well its over. Back on the blog again for the nth time after a hiatus. Theme still remains the same. Will ramble about the same issues since things havent changed that much. Satisfied with a few things and extremely disgruntled with a lot more.

Yesterday night was my first movie screening as a Trinetra member in MICA. A voting system was set up and 'Mind Game' an animation flick turned out to be the popular choice. I love the movie, it is simple yet complex in its elements.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0452039/

One single message was prelevant throught the movie- Your actions shape your life. A simple truth everyone understands but nobody acts upon it. We remain reactive in our lives and actions.

Well i am finishing of a year already in this place. Been a roller coaster experience. Getting a little homesick too. Internship in Chennai is bound to be another interesting experience. Hope i get to do some substantial work in my internship.

Solution

An interesting forward i received .. though i cannot guarantee the veracity of the following instances but they make for an entertaining read:

Learn to focus on solutions and not on problems.

Case 1:

When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink won't flow down to the writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million.

They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C. And what did the Russians do...?? They used a pencil.

Case 2:

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soap box, which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soap box that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soap box went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.

Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty.

No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent whoopee amount to do so.

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Man's Salvation

An interesting paragraph from a book on codes in culture that i have been reading for the past few days reserved specifically for boring lectures:

"Men are programmed for sex and, as much as he might protest this , the average man is willing to have sex with just about any woman willing to have sex with him. If a man notices a woman's beauty, though, if he stops to admire her physical magnificence rather than simply throwing her over his shoulder, his soul is elevated to another level. If a woman can impress her beauty upon a man permanently, if she can stay beautiful in his eyes, she can make him a better human being. She is doing more than keeping herself visually appealing to him; she is elevating him from a rutting animal to something more exalted."

Clotaire Rapaille on the back of his own research came up with this basic insight and thus the code of beauty in America which is Man's Salvation.

More than the code, the paragraph above has a profound learning about the true nature of men. I believe it is true in many cultures and not specific to the US.

There is nothing much i can add or subtract to this insight as it is more of a factual statement but every man needs to understand the basic thought that went behind it. Not try and be defensive and justify.

The picture above makes a lot of sense to me in this context and is a classic case of inter gender interaction.

Be in love with your Life

Note To Self

It really ain't that long. Life is abrupt. Will disappear one day. And compared to the universe standards our life span cannot be appropriately represented as even the word minuscule is mammoth in nature when compared to reality.

Never hate your life. The way things are. It ain't right or wrong. There are only actions and consequences and what we usually go through is a consequence of our own doing. There simply isn't any time to waste really. To not pay attention to our surroundings and be trapped by our self obsessive minds. LIVE. Every moment, emotion,desire,conflict,tragedy. Look at your world and absorb. Respect your body as it is the most wonderful thing you will ever own. Be open in all aspects. Love yourself and your life

And so i ate

What a massacre at chota today. kept on eating, hot parathas dripping with butter, noodles and more parathas. I love eating i say. But then thanks to the slow metabolism i have i put on weight easy. Been a good day overall. Got my final GPA for the first term and got a 3.43 which is more than what i had calculated earlier. Anyways second term my grades will be headed in the southward direction so a decent performance in this term really helps.

Part of an interesting play, though only as a technician handling the lights aspect. Somehow never felt the urge to act. I respect what actors do but personally i find it very monotonous to repeat the same lines over and over again. Nothing against anyone just a personal opinion. Direction on the other hand is a totally different ball game. Something that i wanted to be at a certain point in my life. Then realised that it was more of a hobby than a profession. Though would definitely love to do it again if need be.

Got a hellish month ahead, with non stop classes and assignments. Need to stay alert and not slack as a good performance is required this term to keep my gpa within respectable boundaries. Will give a few case studies a shot. Even though one might not get selected the best thing is that it provides one with a lot learning. Every time one attempts to solve a case, he/she learns a hell lot about the sector specific to the case. For instance the IIM Lucknow case has probably taught me enough to equal all my learning's in this term. Its my favorite chacha, sriram chacha's birthday today and i prey to god that i remember to wish him in the morning. I keep forgetting these important things not because i do not care , it is simply because i am forgetful.

I believe it is in libran nature to be furiously active in bursts and lazy the remaining time. I typically display this behaviour and had read about it common to Libras in a book. Libra's are always supposed to retain their curves and hence are not generally thin. Sometimes i eat when i am in a slight melancholy mood. The reason for that maybe cause i might have to wait a little bit more before i meet my girl again. Sigh. Thus that explains things and so i ate.

Become your own teacher

Simply put , the title of the post means quite a bit, a thought presented to us by a visiting faculty whose profession is that of an account planner. Well anyways, came third at IIM Lucknow which ain't bad but not as good as the first 2 places. Nevertheless considering the lack of expertise in any of the domains on which we were made to compete i guess it is a good enough achievement. Back to campus classes engulfed me with full fury.

I am back to the restless mood of mine again. Feel like taking a swing at myself. One of the hardest things in life is to discipline oneself. Just cant get that right. The more i read and more i interact and the more i listen to classes the less educated i feel. Shit loads to learn and read about. Human ignorance is really a bane. Would love to be a lot more intuitive and aware. 26 days down this term. Have done a few things right and a few things very wrong. Mind still feels like a blank and do not feel that i am learning anything. Hopefully i am assimilating in some corner all that i read and hear about.

i am reading a lot more than before but upto satisfying levels. At the end of my MICA experience i am hoping it won't be just experience that i would be taking back with me. Hoping for a little bit more than that. To be aware of a lot more subjects. Not necessarily academic. It could be as regular a thing as coffee or history for that matter. The investment i am making at this place is huge. 2 years of my life. I am 23, i keep reminding myself of that, i need to get things into perspective. Need to remove the chalta hai attitude. Induce discipline in my life. By that i do not mean a military type regiment but something that keeps a person focused. Quite a struggle and am getting battered presently but will persist. Change after all does not happen overnight and i am not too late to start this as i know that i am a stubborn bastard at the end of the day.

Toilet Paper

Been a good past few days for me. Things have gone well and as planned out . Have some semblance of a schedule to my life. Although nothing great things are falling into place. Did decently well in my acads too. My results were out and am satisfied with my performance. Got selected for a competition at IIM Lucknow too. So will be headed for Lucknow on the 18th and will be back on campus on the 24th. Apparently the best place over there serves Kebabs at 6 bucks a plate and parathas at 3 bucks a plate. I am gonna hog over there .. i will struggle to spend 50 bucks for a meal i suppose.

The only issue is it will be terrifically cold over there. The 10 odd degrees at MICA itself is bad enough , lower temperatures in Delhi and Lucknow wil be interesting i say. Wll be going to Lucknow via delhi and will be spending a day in toto. Would be interesting since i am returning to the city after nearly 11 years. Have bad memories about delhi and absolutely detest the attitude of the people and their behaviour towards women. Will never settle in that city for sure. Lucknow will be an interesting place to explore if at all i can do that.

Not feeling too well presently, with an iffy stomach and a massively leaky nose. Finished a roll of toilet paper wiping my nose already. Bloody irritating and the heaviness in the head one getsdue to cold aint too good either.

A better day. Good breakfast followed by decent lectures and a good presentation. Wasn't a wasteful waste today. Satisfied at the way i was. Planned out a few things for the days ahead. Hopefully will work it out as i desire. Heard a lot of music today. I used to be quite a music fanatic when i was a teenager. Wonder when i lost the habit. The radio or the record player used to be on 24/7 in my room when i was younger in my late school and early college days. Used to listen to soo much radio that had a different sort of relation that i shared with the RJ. I actuallly once was sad when i recieved news that one of my favorite RJ's was leaving the station. But all this vanished suddenly. nothing drastic caused this change. Maybe i just floated away.

Now for some random news:

1)Twinkling in the sky is a diamond star of 10 billion trillion trillion carats, astronomers have discovered.

The cosmic diamond is a chunk of crystallised carbon, 4,000 km across, some 50 light-years from the Earth in the constellation Centaurus.It's the compressed heart of an old star that was once bright like our Sun but has since faded and shrunk.Astronomers have decided to call the star "Lucy" after the Beatles song, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

Twinkle twinkle

"You would need a jeweller's loupe the size of the Sun to grade this diamond," says astronomer Travis Metcalfe, of the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics, who led the team of researchers that discovered it.
The diamond star completely outclasses the largest diamond on Earth, the 546-carat Golden Jubilee which was cut from a stone brought out of the Premier mine in South Africa.The huge cosmic diamond - technically known as BPM 37093 - is actually a crystallised white dwarf. A white dwarf is the hot core of a star, left over after the star uses up its nuclear fuel and dies. It is made mostly of carbon.For more than four decades, astronomers have thought that the interiors of white dwarfs crystallised, but obtaining direct evidence became possible only recently.The white dwarf is not only radiant but also rings like a gigantic gong, undergoing constant pulsations.

"By measuring those pulsations, we were able to study the hidden interior of the white dwarf, just like seismograph measurements of earthquakes allow geologists to study the interior of the Earth."We figured out that the carbon interior of this white dwarf has solidified to form the galaxy's largest diamond," says Metcalfe.
Astronomers expect our Sun will become a white dwarf when it dies 5 billion years from now. Some two billion years after that, the Sun's ember core will crystallise as well, leaving a giant diamond in the centre of the solar system.

"Our Sun will become a diamond that truly is forever," says Metcalfe.

source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/3492919.stm

2)Indian Governement Declares 2007 as Water Year

The Centre has announced the year 2007 as "Water Year" with a view to addressing the water-related issues and to launch a massive awareness programme all over the country.

3) 2007 predicted to be the warmest year ever.

What with New York experiencing a temperature of 21C when it is supposed to be snowing there at this time of the year.

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Shield

Many times i question myself on how good i am ? And then i have days like these. Where the whole day i was as constructive as the pigeon who tries desperately to get into my room. Even the pigeon manages to reach its goal sometimes but i just remain the same lazy asshole. Was a beautiful cold day where i could have done a lot of things. But i wasted my time away with only something constructive towards the night.

After all that i lament on how things could be better or different but i simply am stuck in this state. Nothing inspires me to really push myself. Even after all those promises to self that i will do better i just stagnate as before. Never perform to even 50 % of my potential. Reacting to everything that happens to me. Give big talks to myself but not execute any. It is sometimes mind fucks me too much.

Am i thinking about this too much? I do not know. There is no point giving any excuse either. Excuses just serve as a shield in this world. Everything can be achieved. Keeping no expectations for tomorrow. I miss my girl too.

A Change of Calender

After much hoopla over the change of calenders , we are now well into 2007. 1996 seems like it happened yesterday. Time simply flies and new years always give me the feeling that we have a very short existence. Every moment we spend is extremely precious but then we hardly ever live for the moment.

Personally had a very good new years catching up with old college friends over really good liquor and jolly conversation. Stopped believing in resolutions so never made one this year. Anyways life is so unpredictable that it defeats the purpose of being to stuck to one particular rule. Back on campus, college life has resumed on slow pace. People over here now seem to be more relaxed about each other and their presence. The winter chill makes the night nice and snugly and the afternoons extremely pleasant. The sun feels good on the skin.

The joy of running on a virtually empty road with wilderness on either side with your out of control breath for company is total bliss. The joy derived from pushing oneself simply cannot be beaten by anything else. I have started going for a run again and hopefully will pursue it throughout this term.

I am trying to change the pattern of existence this term. Do things with a little more control over them . Getting a little more organised. Having a little bit more of self control. Try and gain some knowledge. Term has just started and am trying to set the pace as of now.

I feel i have matured a bit more over the past few months. Feel a hell lot more comfortable with the things around me and the way i am. I think i comprehend things better. Though i really do not have a fresh perspective at issues but that's what i am trying to develop.

Looking ahead this year is going to hold only personal challenges for me. Will be spending this whole year in this place excepting the summer and considering this place it is simply a matter of self improvement. Do not have any expectations from this year too. I have every opportunity i need in my hands, it boils down merely to the question of whether i will act?